The Practicing Stoic

imagine a day where you stay calm and unruffled by a harsh comment, a traffic jam, or an unexpected expense. it might sound like a stretch, but it’s more achievable than you think. that’s because the key to such composure isn’t about changing the external world, but adjusting how you respond to it. 

this idea lies at the heart of stoicism, a philosophy that teaches us to rethink our knee-jerk reactions to life’s hurdles. in this chapter, we’ll dive into timeless stoic wisdom, showing how most daily frustrations stem not from the events themselves but from our perceptions of them.

the ancient stoics were thinkers – but they were also practical psychologists who taught people how to skillfully manage their emotional responses. so, along with historical insight, you’ll gain real strategies to help you remain steady and resilient amid life’s challenges.

you’ve already learned the first principle of stoicism: we don’t react to events – we react to judgments about events. it then follows, say the stoics, that how we respond to what the world throws at us is a choice. 

the roman emperor and philosopher marcus aurelius, one of the great stoic thinkers of the ancient world, explored this idea in the second century ce. he notes that it’s usually not things “out there” in the external world that distress us, but how we think about them. 

you can’t control the traffic on your morning commute, for example – sometimes, there’ll be traffic jams. if you view this delay as a major inconvenience that ruins your plans and wastes your time, you’re going to feel annoyed. but you don’t have to frame it that way. you could, for example, see it as an unexpected opportunity to listen to your favorite podcast or simply have some quiet time to yourself. framed that way, the experience is neutral or even enjoyable.

stoics think our emotions involve a three-stage process. first, there’s an event – that traffic jam, say, or a passive-aggressive email from a colleague. we then form a judgment about these events: we decide that they’re bad and important. finally, we react to our own judgments. simply put, we get mad or sad – or just annoyed. 

the middle step in this process is often overlooked. one of the ways we become wiser, stoics argue, is to think more carefully about this step. when we pay attention, we realize that our judgments are frequently irrational. 

take personal slights. the insult itself is meaningless – unless you make something of it. if it bothers you, it’s because you’ve decided it’s significant. if you decided it didn’t matter, it would lose its power. many irritations can be seen this way. bad weather and noisy neighbors don’t have any intrinsic meaning; they can’t cause your annoyance. it’s how you react that does that. 

noticing how judgments are formed isn’t second nature. and when we do notice them, we discover how easy it is to hold contradictory opinions. many people know that the spiders they find in their bathtubs aren’t dangerous, but are still scared of them. often, we continue reacting negatively even though we know that our judgment is faulty. that’s one of the reasons stoicism is hard – it requires a lot of psychological strength to change deeply ingrained reactions.

as we’ve seen, stoics argue that it’s our reaction to judgments about events – not the events themselves – that make us feel a certain way about them. 

this idea can have a profound implication for our outlook on the world. as the sixteenth-century french philosopher michel de montaigne put it, if evils impact us only through our judgments, then we have the power to either reject them or convert them into positives. learning how to do that, he concluded, would spell “a great victory for the relief of our miserable human condition.” 

so, how do we learn to do that? luckily, stoicism is a practical philosophy – it’s an activity, not just a theory – and stoics have an answer to that question. one way we can learn to reject evils or convert them into positives is to pay more attention to what’s within our control.

the ancient greek philosopher epictetus advises us to think of life as a sea voyage. we can choose the crew and the time of departure and what provisions to stock. but when a storm hits, the situation is out of our hands and responsibility falls to the captain – our judgment. all we can do is choose how to best respond to the winds and waves buffeting our vessel.

epictetus uses another metaphor to help us understand this idea. as he puts it, human life is a game in which skill and chance intertwine. we can always make the best move in any possible situation, but the situation itself is determined by a roll of the dice. 

for epictetus, it’s absurd to stake our happiness on chance – that invites endless uncertainty and disappointment into our lives. what seems rational to him, by contrast, is to do what is in our power – namely, to play the game as skilfully and with as much integrity as possible regardless of how the dice fall. 

in short, we should derive our happiness from playing the game, not its outcome. 

stoicism, marcus aurelius wrote, rests on two principles. the first should be familiar: the world itself doesn’t make us miserable – only our judgments and opinions can truly disturb us. 

the second principle is transience; everything changes and eventually fades away. in other words, life is in constant flux, as both historical records and personal observation confirm. to keep this in mind, marcus aurelius thinks, helps us think more clearly about our own lives. 

stoics often underscore the importance of perspective. they believe that simply changing how we view the world, our problems, or ourselves can alter our emotional responses. this shift is intuitive – it’s about guiding our perceptions through demonstration rather than debate.

so, how does this work? well, looking at the bigger picture helps us understand that our daily concerns, while seemingly significant, are minor when viewed against the vast backdrop of the universe and time. this can be a humbling realization but also a liberating one – it challenges our ego and reduces vanity, ambition, and greed. it teaches us the value of living well in the moment and seeing ourselves as part of a larger whole.

stoics believe that many of our frustrations are self-created and can be alleviated by understanding the grand scale of life. when we grasp the brevity of human existence in the context of time and space, our fears – especially of death – find a new perspective. 

montaigne illustrates this idea with the example of tiny creatures that live for just a day. what seems a lifetime to them is merely a moment to us. one that died in the morning would be young; one that died in the evening would be ancient. it’s absurd, montaigne says, “to see the difference between such momentary lifespans counted as happiness or unhappiness.” 

and yet aren’t we doing the same when we think of our own lives as long or short? from the perspective of eternity – or the stars, mountains or even trees – the difference between human lifespans is just as trivial! 

for montaigne and other stoics, this thought shouldn’t make us despair. understanding the equivalence of a day to an age allows us to view our lives from a higher vantage point and face life’s variability with humor and wisdom.

satisfying our desires rarely brings the lasting satisfaction we anticipate. instead, fulfilling one desire typically sparks another, creating a never-ending cycle of wanting. as seneca asks, “who was ever satisfied, after attainment, with that which loomed up large as he prayed for it?”

such perpetual dissatisfaction is often fueled by our tendency to compare ourselves with others. arthur schopenhauer, a nineteenth-century philosopher influenced by stoic ideals, argues that there’s no absolute amount of wealth or success that can satisfy a person. our satisfaction is always relative – it depends on the disparity between our achievements and our expectations. in other words, it’s an insatiable misery-producing machine. 

stoics say that this kind of desire is unnatural. we can better understand what they mean if we think about natural desires such as hunger and thirst. these are finite and can be completely satisfied, albeit only temporarily. we eat to satisfy hunger, and this satisfaction is straightforward and repeatable. 

but unnatural desires – such as those for status, excessive wealth, or luxuries – are spawned by societal influences and personal ambition. the fulfillment of these desires is less gratifying than anticipated, and they constantly demand newer and larger acquisitions. because they’re not linked to genuine needs, they lack a natural endpoint. 

seneca argues that desires originating not from necessity but from vice inevitably lead to an endless cycle of longing. he thinks that living within the bounds of natural needs shields us from feelings of deprivation, whereas exceeding these bounds plunges us into perpetual dissatisfaction – even amid abundance. montaigne agrees, suggesting that while material poverty can be remedied, spiritual or emotional poverty is far more challenging to address.

envy is another source of insatiable desire. as seneca notes, happiness is impossible for those who feel pain at the sight of others’ happiness. this kind of comparative judgment fosters continual dissatisfaction, as individuals envy not only peers but also those in different walks of life – wealthy individuals envying the learned, the famous envying the rich, and so on. this envy doesn’t merely decrease satisfaction; it actively cultivates desires for things that wouldn’t be wanted otherwise, compounding frustration and disturbance in our lives.

the takeaway here is simple. when we understand the nature of our desires – distinguishing between what’s essential and what’s superfluous – we can apply stoic wisdom to lead more contented and measured lives, free from the relentless pursuit of unnecessary wants.

stoicism is a rigorous mental training regimen, not unlike physical training. just as achieving excellence in athletics demands commitment and persistence, so too does the practice of stoicism require dedicated mental exercise. it challenges us to train our minds to respond not instinctively but thoughtfully to life’s events, reprogramming our automatic reactions to a more considered approach.

the practice of stoicism is particularly demanding because the mind must function both as trainer and trainee. it must recognize its faults and correct them, a process that involves steady attention and energy but becomes increasingly natural over time. seneca likens it to a demanding martial art that, though difficult, yields significant rewards in peace of mind, fearlessness, well-being, and wisdom.

to improve the quality of their thinking, stoics employ various techniques. one method is setting clear philosophical goals – such as becoming less quick to anger – and tracking your progress toward these goals. epictetus says to start by simply not feeding the anger and keeping a record of days without it, gradually increasing the intervals of calm. this technique both curbs the immediate habit and weakens its hold over time.

nightly reflection is another useful practice. it involves reviewing the day’s events from a stoic perspective, assessing your responses and improvements. asking yourself questions like, which faults did i resist today? and how am i better? helps develop self-awareness and control.

stoics also encourage us to adopt an external viewpoint to evaluate our actions. by imagining how an admired individual would perceive our behavior, we can aspire to higher standards. seneca suggests keeping the image of a respected friend, mentor, or role model in mind – living as if they were always observing us to help refine our actions and character.

regular engagement with stoic writings and contemplation aids in reinforcing these practices. stoics believe that by frequently immersing the mind in thoughtful reflections, the character of the mind itself is shaped by these thoughts, becoming more resilient and virtuous.

finally, seneca emphasizes that with stubborn effort and close attention, any mental habit or attitude can be reshaped – much like how a bent oak or curved beam can eventually be straightened. this philosophy not only teaches endurance through life’s challenges but also transforms these challenges into opportunities for personal growth and inner peace. 

ultimately, stoicism isn’t just a way to endure life. it’s an approach to enhancing it, making every obstacle a stepping stone to greater wisdom and tranquility.

in this chapter to the practicing stoic by ward farnsworth, you’ve seen that your reactions aren’t to events themselves but to your judgments about them. by recognizing that your desires and fears are shaped by your perceptions, you can manage your responses more effectively.

stoicism also teaches the importance of focusing on what you can control and letting go of what you can’t. this shift helps you build resilience and stay grounded through life’s ups and downs. becoming more stoic is an ongoing practice – through self-reflection and small, continuous adjustments, you’ll begin to lead a more mindful, fulfilling life.

ok, that’s it for this chapter. we hope you enjoyed it. if you can, please take the time to leave us a rating – we always appreciate your feedback. see you soon!