Trust Yourself

you excel at what you do. people admire your dedication, reliability, and the way you always seem to go the extra mile. but beneath that success, there’s a constant churn of overthinking, self-doubt, and exhaustion. the pressure to perform never eases, and even small decisions feel overwhelming. you replay conversations in your head, analyze every detail, and push yourself harder, hoping that one more achievement will finally bring confidence and peace.

if this sounds familiar, you might be a sensitive striver – someone who combines high ambition with deep emotional awareness. this powerful combination makes you an invaluable asset in any workplace, but it can also leave you feeling stuck in a cycle of stress and burnout. while others brush off criticism or make quick decisions, you find yourself second-guessing your instincts and taking setbacks to heart. your sensitivity makes you intuitive and thoughtful, but it can also lead to perfectionism and people-pleasing.

the good news? you don’t need to change who you are to thrive. you just need strategies to harness your strengths while setting boundaries, trusting yourself, and letting go of self-imposed pressure. in this chapter, you’ll discover practical tools to break free from overwork, quiet your inner critic, and redefine success on your own terms. by the end, you’ll see how your sensitivity isn’t a weakness – it’s your greatest advantage.

if you’re a sensitive striver, you may often seek self-worth through external achievements – promotions, accolades, and approval. deep down, there’s a belief that working harder will erase your feelings of inadequacy. but this endless effort doesn’t bring lasting confidence. instead, it fuels exhaustion, leaving a lingering sense of dissatisfaction. the thrill of success fades quickly, pushing you into an ongoing cycle of overachievement.

the cycle begins in childhood, where success and praise become tied to self-worth, and carries over into professional life. the result? anxiety, fatigue, and the inability to separate personal value from performance. without targets, there’s a sense of being lost. achievements dictate your self-worth. hitting a goal feels validating, while falling short brings shame. despite experience and expertise, there’s a fear of not measuring up. speaking up in meetings or sharing ideas feels risky, as though one wrong move could expose a lack of competence. downtime becomes another source of guilt. the need to be constantly productive makes rest feel undeserved, leading to burnout.

the solution isn’t abandoning ambition, though – the key is to redefine your relationship with achievement. in practice, that means recognizing when goals serve your personal growth and when they stem from external pressure. a clear sign of misalignment is the use of phrases like “i should,” “i have to,” or “i need to” rather than “i want to.” pursuing a promotion out of genuine excitement is healthy, but chasing one solely due to competition or expectation isn’t. similarly, if you sign up for a half-marathon because it’s a challenge you crave, great! if you’re only doing it because your coworkers are too, then you’re not really pursuing your goal.

one simple yet effective strategy to break free from perfectionism, people-pleasing, and overworking is a time audit. for five days, track how time is spent in hourly increments, noting specific tasks instead of broad labels like “work.” this will reveal patterns of unnecessary stress and obligation. once you identify them, you can make small adjustments: start by eliminating, delegating, or scaling back just one low-risk task. a simple change – like listening to an audiobook instead of checking emails first thing in the morning – can make a big difference.

over time, these small shifts will add up. releasing obligations that don’t serve your personal fulfillment will create space for what truly matters. by shifting your focus from external to internal validation, you’ll cultivate self-trust, avoid burnout, and find greater satisfaction in your achievements.

sensitive strivers often stand in their own way, held back by self-doubt and a need for external validation. if you find yourself in that position, how do you break free? the answer lies in giving yourself permission – permission to succeed, to make mistakes, and to be exactly who you are.

success can feel uncomfortable, especially when there’s a fear of outshining others or seeming arrogant. but playing small doesn’t serve anyone. there’s no single right way to achieve something – only the way that feels right for you. letting go of perfectionism means embracing mistakes as part of growth. instead of seeing setbacks as failures, recognize them as learning experiences. forgiving yourself and moving forward will build resilience.

beyond seeking recognition, sensitive strivers often fall into subtle patterns of permission-seeking. over-apologizing is one example. saying “i’m sorry” when it’s unnecessary is a way of asking for reassurance. whether it’s prefacing an email with “sorry to bother you” or apologizing for taking up space, these habits reinforce self-doubt.

another pattern is outsourcing decisions. polling others before making a choice sends the message that their opinions matter more than your own. seeking input isn’t bad, but relying on it too much erodes confidence. similarly, hedging statements like “i’m not an expert, but…” or “does that make sense?” undermines your contributions. these phrases signal uncertainty, making it harder for others to trust in your ideas.

to break these patterns, try the “permission slip” exercise. think back to childhood when permission slips were required to participate in activities. now, write one for yourself. identify a challenge you’re overthinking or an opportunity you’re hesitant to pursue. then, give yourself explicit permission to take action, acknowledging any discomfort while affirming your capabilities. for example: “i hereby grant myself permission to reach out to my network to find my first consulting client. i have permission to feel nervous about it. i have permission to trust that i have valuable skills to offer.”

keep this permission slip somewhere visible. revisit it whenever self-doubt creeps in. over time, this practice will help you shift your mindset from seeking validation to trusting your inner wisdom. getting out of your own way isn’t about changing who you are – it’s about owning your strengths and giving yourself the freedom to succeed.

if you recognize yourself in this portrait of a sensitive striver, you might find emotions tricky – especially in professional settings where emotionality is sometimes seen as a weakness. this can be a vicious circle: the more you try to suppress your emotions, the more intense and overwhelming they become. so why not try a different approach? instead of fighting your feelings, acknowledge them, understand their impact, and start navigating them effectively.

remember, emotions are like the weather: always present, sometimes unpredictable, but not something that has to dictate your every decision. just as you work around bad weather when you’re making plans, difficult emotions don’t have to derail progress. sensitive people are more likely to feel ashamed of their emotions, believing they’re powerless against them. but emotions can be a tool for greater self-awareness and resilience.

ignoring or suppressing your emotions, by contrast, leads to depletion. high-intensity feelings such as anxiety and distress trigger your body’s fight-or-flight response, which, over time, weakens the immune system, reduces focus, and drains energy. paradoxically, the more emotions are avoided, the stronger they become. accepting your emotions allows you to self-regulate better, and prevents the feeling of being emotionally hijacked.

the fastest way to take control of your emotions is by calming down your body. every emotion begins as a physical response, so regulating the nervous system helps create a sense of stability. grounding techniques are a simple but effective way to shift out of an emotional spiral. by activating your parasympathetic nervous system – the body’s natural calming mechanism – through grounding exercises, you’ll slow your heart rate, improve focus, and create a sense of safety.

one quick grounding exercise is the 5-4-3-2-1 tool, which engages the senses to bring attention back to the present. start by naming five things you see around you, four things you can touch, three things you hear, two things you smell, and one thing you taste. this technique shifts your focus away from anxious thoughts and reconnects you with the present moment.

another powerful tool is clench and release. imagine gathering all your stress and tension into your hands. make a tight fist for several seconds, then release it as if letting go of those emotions. this simple act creates a physical cue for emotional release.

learning to manage your emotions doesn’t mean eliminating them. instead, it means recognizing that they’re temporary, responding to them with awareness, and using grounding strategies to stay centered. by doing this, you’ll regain control, reduce exhaustion, and harness your emotions as a source of strength rather than a liability.

sensitive strivers often feel paralyzed by decision-making, fearing they’ll make the wrong choice. the instinct is to gather as much information as possible, analyze every angle, and strive for a perfect answer. but most of the time, there isn’t a single right decision – only the one that aligns best with personal values and circumstances. 

so how do you find that solution? well, it’s a whole lot easier when you start trusting your intuition.

intuition can feel abstract, but it’s a powerful tool for decision-making. it’s that gut feeling, an internal signal that guides you toward the right path. science backs this up – there’s a vast neural network in the digestive system that processes information much like the brain. this explains why certain choices create a feeling of ease, while others spark unease or a pit in your stomach.

the challenge is distinguishing between intuition and fear. fear is loud, anxious, and restrictive, urging action out of insecurity. intuition, on the other hand, is calm and guiding. for example, fear may push you toward accepting a new project out of worry about missed opportunities. meanwhile, your intuition may suggest saying no to avoid burnout. learn to recognize the difference, and you’ll start making choices that serve your long-term fulfillment.

intuition isn’t about ignoring logic – it’s an advanced form of reasoning. it pulls from a vast internal database of experiences, emotions, and knowledge, combining both objective facts and deeper instincts. it’s most effective when traditional analysis falls short, such as when choosing between two equally good options or making personal life decisions.

a simple exercise can help you clarify intuitive decisions. write a yes/no question on paper – something specific, like “is it in my best interest to take this job offer?” rather than overthinking, step away for a few hours. when you return, immediately circle an answer. that first instinct is often the most honest response. while it might not be the most comfortable answer, it provides a clear insight into what feels right.

trusting your intuition conserves energy that would otherwise be wasted on overanalyzing. following your gut instinct also builds conviction. studies show that people who rely on intuition feel more certain and authentic in their decisions, reducing second-guessing and regret.

every choice comes with unknowns, but confidence in the decision-making process makes any path easier to follow. trust your intuition, and you’ll start making clearer choices, aligning with your personal values, and building a stronger sense of self-assurance wherever you go.

we all know that boundaries are healthy. here’s the thing, though: you can’t set them without saying “no,” and that’s a recipe for guilt if you’re a sensitive striver. no wonder – the desire to be helpful, reliable, and considerate usually means you put others’ needs ahead of your own. breaking that pattern is bound to feel weird. 

but you have to break it all the same. constantly prioritizing others drains your energy and leads to burnout. boundaries create the necessary space to protect your emotional well-being, focus on priorities, and maintain a sense of control. think of them as a personal fence, regulating what enters and what stays out. without boundaries, outside pressures will continue to dictate your feelings and actions. setting them isn’t unkind – it’ll actually improve your relationships by preventing the resentment that can build up when you’re always looking out for others. 

to start building better boundaries, try the boundaries playbook exercise. begin by identifying a troubling area in life where your energy feels drained. it might be work demands, family obligations, or personal habits. the next step is recognizing where a boundary is needed. a good way to pinpoint this is to look for strong emotions like frustration or resentment. areas that trigger these kinds of feelings usually benefit from boundary-setting. 

once you’ve found the problem area, determine who or what the boundary needs to be set with. sometimes it’s an external relationship, like a demanding boss or a friend who oversteps. other times, it’s an internal struggle, like overcommitting or neglecting self-care. setting an external boundary might mean having a conversation about new limits, while an internal boundary might involve adjusting your schedule or reinforcing personal commitments.

following through is the final and most important step. in the past, guilt may have made it easy for you to cave, but real change requires consistency. making boundaries a habit means committing to honoring them – even when discomfort arises. for example, your resolution might sound a bit like this: “i feel frustrated because work is interfering with the time i have with my kids. i’ll set a boundary by leaving the office at 4:00 p.m. on mondays and wednesdays. to uphold this, i’ll block my calendar and decline late meetings.”

clear, actionable boundaries create balance and peace of mind. you don’t need to choose between being kind and protecting your well-being. with thoughtful limits, you can do both – while ensuring you have the energy to thrive.

in this chapter to trust yourself by melody wilding, you’ve learned that trusting yourself means redefining success on your terms, not chasing validation. 

sensitive strivers need to break free from perfectionism, self-doubt, and burnout. setting boundaries protects your energy, while embracing your emotions prevents exhaustion. intuition is a powerful tool for making confident decisions. and small shifts, like tracking time and granting self-permission, lead to greater fulfillment. 

ok, that’s it for this chapter. we hope you enjoyed it. if you can, please take the time to leave us a rating – we always appreciate your feedback. see you soon!