Good Morning, I Love You

have you ever tried to change a habit, only to find yourself slipping back into old patterns? it can feel like our brains are working against us, stubbornly holding onto routines and ways of thinking that no longer serve us. but what if the key to lasting change weren’t willpower, but something deeper – something wired into the very structure of our minds?

neuroscience now confirms what ancient wisdom has long suggested: our brains are not fixed. they are constantly evolving, shaped by what we do, think, and focus on. this means that with the right practices, we can literally rewire our brains to be calmer and happier.

in this chapter, shauna shapiro, a clinical psychologist and mindfulness expert, shares a simple yet profound truth: what we practice grows stronger. with research-backed insights and practical exercises, she shows how small, mindful changes – like a shift in attention or a moment of self-kindness – can have a profound impact on our happiness and well-being.

the process doesn’t require massive effort – just consistent, intentional practice. and the best part? even a tiny shift can set off a ripple effect, changing how you think, feel, and experience the world.

so if you’ve ever wondered whether real change is possible, this chapter offers a compelling answer. it’s not about forcing yourself to be different – it’s about training your mind to work for you, not against you. and that’s a skill worth practicing.

once, while attending a meditation session at a monastery in thailand, shauna shapiro found herself struggling with her mindfulness practice. when she told a monk about her difficulties, he laughed, and said that at the moment, she wasn’t practicing mindfulness. instead, she was practicing impatience and judgment.

then, the monk said five words that shapiro would never forget: “what you practice grows stronger.”

this is absolutely true. what we practice grows stronger. it’s something that shapiro has learned through her own experiences, and years of research as a psychologist specializing in mindfulness.

it turns out that the monk’s teaching is backed up by science. you may have heard of something called neuroplasticity. essentially, it means that the structure of the brain can be changed – and we have the power to change it.

a harvard study looked at the brains of people who practiced mindfulness. amazingly, they found that certain parts of the brain were bigger and stronger – the parts connected to learning, attention, and processing emotions.

the monk was right – what you practice grows stronger. and that means we can rewire our brains for the better, to become happier. 

the science shows that external changes won’t change our baseline happiness – not even winning the lottery. but internal changes – the work we do on our brains – can make a surprising difference.

in a moment, we’ll look at some ways to train your brain. they’re simple, straightforward exercises you can start right away. but before we get going, here are a couple of things to keep in mind. 

first, the goal here isn’t self-improvement, but rather liberation. you’re not trying to fix yourself. the aim is to become free from limiting beliefs. and second, take things slowly. true change happens gradually. so again, take the pressure off, and set yourself small goals – the smaller the better. 

for instance, ask yourself, “can i do five percent more?” can you do five percent more practice? or even just one percent? if you set yourself small goals, you’re more likely to achieve them. this will help you to stay motivated as you do the gradual, life-changing work of rewiring your brain.

let’s start by taking a deeper look at mindfulness. the term comes from a pali word meaning “clear comprehension,” and that’s what practicing mindfulness can help us to achieve. 

often, our view of the world is affected by distorted thinking. when we practice mindfulness, we start to see things more clearly, as we’re freed from our biases and habitual patterns. and when this happens, our perceptions of ourselves, and of life itself, begin to shift.

while that might sound like a big claim, research has confirmed that there are countless benefits to practicing mindfulness. it’s been shown to increase happiness and empathy, to improve attention and memory, and to cultivate creativity. and if that’s not enough, mindfulness can even change our dna, slowing down the aging process.

according to shapiro, mindfulness has three key elements – intention, attention, and attitude. we’ll look at each one in more detail in a moment. but essentially, these three elements work together, helping us to rewire our brains gradually.

of course, it takes practice. and you may be wondering how, exactly, you practice mindfulness.

one way is through – you guessed it – meditation. we’ll look at some other exercises later, but let’s start with meditation, as it’s so effective.

first, find a quiet, comfortable place to sit. keep your spine straight, and, if you like, close your eyes. start by setting an intention for the practice, and say it to yourself. for example, “may this practice bring me clarity.”

the next step is to focus your attention on the present. become aware of your body, and if you notice any obvious tension, let go of it. notice your breathing without trying to change it. and if your mind wanders, gently return your focus to your breath. as you pay attention, try to maintain an attitude of kindness and curiosity.

when you’re about to end the meditation, become aware of how you feel. let these feelings of awareness soak in. then, gently open your eyes, and when you’re ready, get up slowly, and carry on with your day.

even just five minutes of meditation a day can be beneficial. just make sure you commit to doing it daily. it’s these small, consistent practices that make a difference over time.

another thing to remember is that while meditation is a formal practice, there’s also such a thing as informal practice, and you can do both. after meditating, continue to be mindful. bring intention, attention, and attitude to each moment of your day.

next, we’ll look at another way to rewire your brain in a positive way – by practicing self-compassion. what that means is that you treat yourself as you would a close friend who’s going through a tough time. you treat yourself with kindness, believing that you’re inherently worthy.

again, as with mindfulness, there’s a scientific explanation for why this is so effective. acting with self-compassion triggers the release of oxytocin, also known as the “love hormone,” as well as endorphins – feel-good chemicals.

mindfulness and self-compassion go hand in hand. when you see things more clearly, you become more aware of your own pain, and the need to be kind to yourself. and by cultivating self-compassion, you give yourself a tool – a raft to keep you afloat when times are tough.

here’s a simple exercise you can try to get started: write yourself a letter. write about a current problem in your life, or something you feel inadequate about. but here’s the twist: write as if you were talking to a close friend.

don’t worry about structure or finding the perfect words. just write from your heart. if you like, you can even mail the letter to yourself, to read later.

now, here’s another exercise to try when you’re having a hard time. for instance, let’s say you’re having an issue at work. you feel you made a mistake, and you’re worried that you might be judged for it. 

take some time to write about the situation, and try to be clear and objective about it. as you write, notice how you’re feeling. become aware of your emotions, as well as any sensations in your body, such as a tight feeling in your throat.

then, write down some statements, treating yourself with kindness. for example, “it’s all right to make mistakes. i’m still learning.”

and finally, reflect on how natural and universal these experiences are. write down these reflections, such as “it’s normal to feel insecure sometimes. many people struggle in these kinds of situations at work.”

you can also imagine yourself feeling connected with others who are struggling, extending your compassion to them.

something to keep in mind is that when you first start practicing self-compassion, some difficult emotions may arise. that’s completely normal. many of us have accumulated a lot of suffering over our lives, and kept it shut up until now. when you start to open your heart, stuff comes out.

so don’t push yourself too hard. continue when you’re ready, with kindness and patience.

while many things in life are outside of our control, we’re not powerless – we can choose how to respond to challenges. in the words of satchidananda, a guru and meditation teacher, “you can’t stop the waves, but you can learn how to surf.”

that’s why mindfulness, and the practices we’re looking at, are so valuable. they allow us to ride life’s waves.

when times are tough, and it feels like your emotions are spiraling out of control, certain practices can be especially helpful. for example, there are specific techniques for regulating emotions – something that many of us have never learned.

just consider what typically happens when something stressful happens. right away, the part of our brain known as the amygdala leaps into action. a distress signal leads to a fight-or-flight response, and emotional chaos.

we can’t get rid of stress, or the amygdala – which is just doing its best to protect us. what we can do, though, is learn how to regulate our emotions.

that doesn’t mean repressing them. as you may have already learned the hard way, repressing emotions just makes things worse. so instead, you should practice becoming aware of your emotions, so you can identify them.

let’s look at how to do this, step by step. start by closing your eyes, and settling into your body. then set an intention – you want to become more capable of regulating your emotions. after setting this intention, let yourself focus on the present moment. and when you’re ready, think of a stressful situation.

now, notice what’s going on in your body. maybe your jaw has clenched, or your breathing has changed. these physical sensations are just a couple of examples of how emotions can manifest in the body. 

make a mental note of your experiences – any emotions or sensations that you become aware of. then, remind yourself of these three things.

first, you experience emotions for a reason. they often act as a warning.

second, emotions have a limited life span. they typically last for 90 seconds at most. knowing that a painful feeling won’t last for long can make it easier to manage.

and finally, tell yourself to welcome all emotions with kindness and curiosity. whatever’s going on in your body, notice it with interest.

this practice is mindfulness in action. when you’re having a hard time, try it for yourself, and see what a difference it makes.

although we can’t be happy all the time, there are tried and tested ways to train your brain for happiness. by repeating certain exercises, you can prime your mind for joy, making it easier to feel happy and positive.

to finish off, let’s go through a few simple exercises you can try any time.

the first – and the simplest – is to smile. every now and then, whatever you’re doing, allow yourself to smile slightly. the research shows that smiling has real benefits, as it lets your nervous system know that you’re safe.

another habit to pick up is gratitude. you’ve probably heard a lot about the importance of gratitude, and that’s because it really is that powerful.

one easy way to practice gratitude is the “three good things” exercise. at the end of each day, write about three things that went well. go into detail, and include sensory information, too – sights, smells, sounds. this will help the memory to stick.

and lastly, make a habit of looking for positive things in your daily life – moments of beauty and awe. when you wake up in the morning, ask yourself, “what magical, unexpected thing might happen today?”

by asking this question every morning, you’re training your brain to look for positive things instead of problems. you can experience more joy simply by looking out for it.

there will always be challenges in life – stressful situations and difficult emotions. but to a large extent, happiness is a choice. it’s within our control. we can rewire our brains, shift our perspective, and find moments of peace and joy – no matter what.

in this chapter to good morning, i love you by shauna shapiro, you’ve learned that what you practice grows stronger – that’s the key to rewiring your brain for the better. research in neuroplasticity shows that our thoughts and habits shape our brains over time. by practicing mindfulness and self-compassion, you can achieve a sense of peace and well-being.

mindfulness means paying attention to the present with kindness and curiosity. meditation, even for just five minutes a day, can make a real difference to how you feel.

by practicing mindfulness, you’ll start to become more aware of yourself, which makes self-compassion easier. get in the habit of treating yourself as you would a close friend.

when you’re struggling, you can also try practicing emotional regulation. this means recognizing and naming your emotions, feeling how they manifest in the body. aim to welcome all emotions – even the painful ones – and notice how they come and go.

finally, you can also prime your brain for joy. smile more, practice gratitude, and look for small moments of beauty in your daily life. simple habits can rewire your brain for positivity.

happiness isn’t about changing external circumstances – it’s about training your mind. start small, be consistent, and enjoy the journey toward a more peaceful, joyful life.

okay, that’s it for this chapter. we hope you enjoyed it. if you can, please take the time to leave us a rating – we always appreciate your feedback. see you in the next chapter.