Burned Out to Lit Up

the alarm goes off. you wake up exhausted, reaching for your phone to scroll through emails and to-do lists before you’re fully alert.

for many of us, life feels like a relentless cycle where work, family, and society’s endless demands never stop. 

burnout has crept into our day-to-day so deeply that it’s almost the norm. 

and it’s something that the author, cara houser, has experienced herself. after years of trying to juggle motherhood with a high-pressure career in real estate development, she burned out completely.

but by taking a sabbatical and reevaluating her priorities, houser was able to heal. now, she works as a career strategist and empowerment coach, helping others recover from burnout.

this chapter offers practical solutions – not just vague self-care tips. through exercises such as mindful scheduling and intentional habit-building, you can build a life that respects your needs.

it’s time to make space for what truly matters, and reignite a sense of fulfillment. so, are you ready to put yourself first for a change?

many of us are feeling stressed and exhausted – increasingly burned out.

burnout is so common, in fact, that it could even be considered a kind of pandemic. 

according to a 2018 study, 77 percent of americans had experienced burnout within the previous year. by 2023, that number had risen to 89 percent. 

the world health organization also recognizes burnout as a global problem. and the way things are going, it seems like it’s only getting worse.

so many of us are struggling to balance our careers with family commitments, and we forget about our own needs in the process. 

cara houser was no exception. several years ago, she was a working mom with a never-ending to-do list. 

there was always something that needed her attention, like an “emergency deadline” at work. if that meant missing her kickboxing class yet again, or missing out on sleep, so be it.

over and over, houser prioritized other things – and other people’s needs – over herself. 

the result? total burnout. exhausted and overwhelmed, she ended up taking a sabbatical from work for almost two years.

during this much-needed break, houser came to some important realizations. 

after 15 years of working so hard, trying to do everything that she felt she was “supposed” to do as a parent with a full-time job, she was a wreck. 

it just wasn’t possible to live up to this punishing set of expectations. something had to give. she needed to shift her perspective, and change her lifestyle.

houser eventually recovered. now, she has a message for other working parents, or people struggling with burnout: reject hustle culture!

also, even if you’re feeling completely overwhelmed, there are steps you can take to rediscover your joy in life.

reframing things can be helpful. for instance, you could think of it as “life-work balance” rather than “work-life balance.” 

in the us, unfortunately, so many people put work over everything, and are made to feel guilty if they don’t. but the truth is, the very notion of “work-life balance” is a trap. how can you possibly find a sense of balance if you’re sacrificing your basic needs for the sake of efficiency?

to truly find balance, life needs to come first. that means your life. your needs. 

as you begin your recovery from burnout, you might need to overcome some conditioning – a tendency to put everything else before your own needs. so, no more self-neglect. instead, it’s time to go on a journey of self-care, arriving at the ultimate goal of self-possession. 

self-possession means living a life where you’re motivated by your internal values – where you’re true to yourself. that might not seem easy, but there are practical ways to make these changes, which we’ll look at next.

it starts with making space.

for example, you could make physical space in your life by decluttering your house. in houser’s experience, marie kondo was right: by creating physical space, you can open up mental space, thinking more clearly and becoming open to new possibilities.

for houser, other helpful activities included physical exercise, and a class on mindfulness-based stress reduction. prioritizing mental health and well-being is a crucial part of burnout recovery. you need that mental space in order to make changes.

another way to create space in your life is to reevaluate your schedule. a schedule is the way you allocate your time and energy – which, like it or not, are both limited resources.

so, here’s something you can try. it’s called an “energy audit exercise,” and it’ll help you make space in your schedule.

sit down with a piece of paper, a pen, and some colored highlighters. 

then make two lists – one with everything you do on an average weekday, and another list for a typical saturday or sunday.

next, circle all the activities that are 100 percent essential – they need to be done for you and your family to survive. 

you might also want to ask yourself if these activities have to be done by you specifically, or whether someone else in your household could take over. but maybe that’s an issue for another day. let’s keep it simple for now.

so, now you’re left with all the things that aren’t circled – the nonessential tasks or activities. 

use a highlighter – say, green or blue – to mark the things that make you feel energized. then use a different color – pink or orange – for the things that take energy. are there activities that make you feel tired or depleted?

now ask yourself if you can remove some of these nonessential, energy-draining activities. maybe you could replace them with something else – an energy-giving activity like more sleep, for instance.

of course, making space in your schedule is only half the battle. the real challenge is sticking to it – enforcing your boundaries when life inevitably seems to get in the way.

let’s say you have something planned – a pedicure, or an afternoon out with your kids or partner. then, all of a sudden, something comes up. it might be work-related, or perhaps it’s a request from a friend or family member.

this is your chance to protect your boundaries. tell the person that you have a conflict, and that you can’t fulfill their request right now. you don’t need to explain or defend your decision.

having said that, it’s not always easy to say “no” – especially to work requests, and especially if you’re not used to it. there are, however, a few handy phrases that might help.

like, “i’m not available now, but here are some times that could work.”

or, “i don’t have the capacity, so i’m afraid i can’t take that on.”

or, quite simply, “no.”

notice something? there aren’t any expressions of regret – no “i’m sorrys.” you shouldn’t apologize for having boundaries.

and in order to become more self-possessed, you need to keep the commitments you make to yourself. whatever it is – a class, a run, or a day off – treat it like it matters… like you matter.

your dreams matter too.

it’s easy to dismiss dreams as something childish – a sparkly, disney castle fantasy that has nothing to do with real life. 

but look at it this way – a dream is a thought, an idea. and your ideas have the potential to become something real, if you give them the chance.

you can choose to focus on certain ideas – to spend your time and energy on those dreams, and nurture them. isn’t it empowering to realize this is within your control?

so, here’s another activity to try with an open mind. you’ll need a computer, or a pen and paper. give yourself about 20 to 30 minutes in a quiet, comfortable space.

once you’re settled, imagine your life seven years from now. really picture it, in as much detail as you can.

where are you living? where are you working? what do other areas of your life look like – your relationships and hobbies? 

think about your health, travel, any spiritual practices, and so on.

allow yourself to dream big. write it all down without editing it, just following the stream of consciousness.

then, once you’ve dreamed up your future life, create a visual representation. it might be a sketch, or a collection of photos – whatever works for you.

now you have something visual to come back to – a kind of vision board. houser recommends spending five minutes a day looking at what you’ve created. take some time when you get up in the morning, or before you go to bed at night. reflect on your vision board, and really picture your dream life in rich, vivid detail.

there’s power in choosing which thoughts to cultivate. you’re not going to manifest your dream life overnight, but you can move in the right direction, prioritizing the things that light you up.

visualizing what you want – the things that matter to you – is an effective way to rebuild your mindset as you recover from burnout.

as you rebuild your mindset, you’ll also want to think about rebuilding other areas of your life – your schedule, for instance.

earlier, you learned how to make space in your schedule. the next step is to create new, healthier routines – routines that prioritize your well-being.

before that, though, let’s take a moment to consider habits. 

all of us, whether we realize it or not, are creatures of habit. the average person spends more than 4 hours per day – or 10 years of their lives – acting out of habit. 

that means a lot of the time, we’re living on autopilot. and when we’re struggling, feeling overwhelmed or burned out, we often get stuck in bad habits. they become our coping mechanisms.

that’s why it’s so important to reconsider our habits – to make a conscious effort to develop healthy ones. consistency is key here. by repeating an action consistently, day after day, it quickly becomes a habit.

so, what about your morning routine? what does it usually involve?

for many of us, the day begins with our phones. we lie there checking our emails and doom-scrolling until it’s time to drag ourselves out of bed. then coffee, then a shower…

and the next morning follows the same pattern. you could think of this routine as a “habit stack” – one habitual action followed by another, then another.

it’s time to come up with a healthier habit stack. ready? your new morning routine might look something like this.

wake up, and take a couple of deep breaths. drink a glass of water. 

then, take 5 to 10 minutes to reflect. this might be in the form of a guided meditation, or perhaps a couple of pages of journaling.

if you can fit in some exercise too, great.

you don’t need to aim for perfection – just a healthy routine you can stick to. houser suggests making it into a 30-day challenge. if you can keep it up for 30 days, you’ve got yourself a new routine.

remember, the first days will be the toughest. you might need to write things down as a reminder, so keep a list by your bed. 

but gradually, day by day, these habits will become easier. eventually, they’ll be automatic, and you’ll feel so much better as a result.

also, by the way – if you’re on your phone, make sure it’s something positive at least. look at your horoscope, for example, or fun social media – something that lifts you up. 

there’s really nothing to be gained from reading endless depressing news stories. our brains haven’t evolved to process negativity on such a scale.

when it comes to the news, or how you use technology, remember that you can make conscious choices. you decide how you spend your limited time and energy – don’t allow your phone to steal hours of your day!

by this point, hopefully you feel like you’ve got some tools to help you. it’s possible to recover from burnout, and to prevent it from occurring in the future, by focusing on the things that are within your control.

but it goes without saying that there are plenty of things not within your control. life is full of uncertainty. you’ve probably heard the saying, “change is the only constant.” annoying as it is, it’s also true.

so, rather than fight the inevitable, all you can do is try your best to get comfortable with it. work on accepting that change and uncertainty are part of life.

still, it’s worth acknowledging that fear is natural too. after all, you’re only human.

how you deal with that fear, however, can make all the difference.

for instance, here’s something to consider. we feel fear because our brains are trying to protect us – to keep us alive. but times have changed, and some of those fears have lost their relevance.

for our early ancestors, social rejection meant being shunned from the group. it was a threat to survival, so naturally, it was something to fear.

today, many of us still have an intense fear of social rejection, even though it’s no longer a matter of life or death. if someone judges you, so what? what’s the worst that could happen?

also, even when bad things do happen, sometimes they lead to positive consequences you couldn’t have predicted. in other words, the thing you fear most might be precisely what helps you grow. for example, maybe you get laid off – but that leads to you finding a new, much better job.

you’ll just never know exactly how things are going to turn out. all you can do is try your best to live with the uncertainty, taking care of yourself and focusing on the things you can control – your daily routines, for example, or your decision to say “no” to certain requests.

it’s up to you to prioritize yourself, and to live the healthy, happy, balanced life you deserve.

the main takeaway of this chapter to burned out to lit up by cara houser is that burnout is an overwhelming reality for many – especially working parents and caregivers balancing multiple roles. 

as burnout rates surge, it’s clear that constantly prioritizing others over yourself leads to exhaustion and depletion. 

shifting away from the myth of the “work-life balance,” it’s time to prioritize “life-work balance” – placing your personal well-being first.

one practical tool that houser recommends is an “energy audit” – analyzing your daily activities to keep only what’s truly necessary, or what energizes you. 

also, don’t take on too much – learn to say “no” to draining requests, and maintain those boundaries.

you should also visualize your dream life in detail, and form a routine that aligns with your aspirations. over time, positive habits will make such a difference to your well-being.

ultimately, the path to a rich, joyful life is built on daily choices. by taking charge of your energy, time, and boundaries, you can recover from burnout, and reclaim your life.

ok, that’s it for this chapter. we hope you enjoyed it. if you can, please take the time to leave us a rating – we always appreciate your feedback. see you soon!