How to Speed Read People

people have always been curious about what shapes our personalities and identities. understanding this helps us make smarter choices for ourselves and interact more effectively with others.

early theories, like ancient greek humorism, linked personality traits to four bodily fluids – yellow bile, black bile, blood, and phlegm – each tied to a distinct temperament. these beliefs suggested that imbalances in these fluids influenced moods and behaviors. they remain the foundation for many modern personality models.

centuries later, freud explained behavior as a balance among the id, which seeks immediate pleasure, the ego, which mediates reality, and the superego, which enforces moral values. while influential, his ideas relied on unconscious processes that are difficult to measure.

modern science reveals that biology plays a significant role in personality. traits like charm, competitiveness, and resilience can be traced to evolutionary drives. additionally, brain imaging studies show links between specific brain regions and what are known as the big five personality traits: conscientiousness, agreeableness, extraversion, openness, and neuroticism. for example, extroverts often have a larger orbitofrontal cortex, which helps them process rewards.

so why does any of this matter? recognizing patterns in the behaviour of others can help you understand their motivations and reactions, and also highlights your own tendencies. by understanding yourself – whether you thrive in social settings or prefer solitude – you can make choices that align with your personality, avoid unnecessary stress, and build stronger connections with others. this balance of self-awareness and insight into others creates a foundation for effective communication and decision-making. so let’s get started.

what exactly is it that shapes your personality, and how can you decode someone else’s? personality tests offer a glimpse into what makes us unique, but they’re far from definitive. they provide tools for identifying traits and patterns, helping us better understand ourselves and the people around us.

one widely recognized framework is the big five personality traits mentioned earlier. you can remember them using the acronym ocean: openness, conscientiousness, extroversion, agreeableness, and neuroticism. these traits exist on a spectrum, meaning everyone embodies each one to some degree. for example, someone high in openness seeks variety and new experiences, while someone lower prefers stability and routine. conscientiousness reflects how disciplined and goal-oriented you are. extroversion measures whether social interaction energizes or drains you, and agreeableness shows how empathetic and cooperative you tend to be. finally, neuroticism gauges emotional stability, with high levels linked to anxiety and stress.

another test, the myers-briggs type indicator or mbti, focuses on four dichotomies: extroversion versus introversion, sensing versus intuition, thinking versus feeling, and judging versus perceiving. these create 16 personality types, such as esfj or intp. while the mbti offers useful insights, critics highlight that its outcomes can vary, as test results often depend on the participant’s mental state or environment. another limitation is that it categorizes people into fixed types, overlooking the nuances of those who may fall between extremes.

keirsey temperaments, on the other hand, streamline the mbti’s 16 types into four broader categories: guardians, artisans, idealists, and rationals. guardians excel at organization and responsibility, while artisans thrive on adaptability and action. idealists focus on personal growth and meaningful connections, and rationals prioritize knowledge and strategy. each temperament includes two subcategories, adding depth to the analysis.

and a further test, the enneagram, shifts focus toward motivations and self-awareness, encouraging individuals to confront areas for personal growth. it identifies nine personality types, such as the helper, the achiever, and the peacemaker. these categories explore why people behave the way they do, offering insights into strengths and vulnerabilities.

while these systems provide valuable perspectives, they’re not foolproof. but combining these tools with observations of behavior can help you understand the people around you and how their personalities influence their actions.

have you ever looked at someone and thought you knew what they were feeling, even though they hadn’t said a word? maybe a friend gave you a warm smile – but something in their eyes hinted at frustration or sadness just below the surface. these moments make you wonder: how much can we really uncover about others by simply observing them?

people reveal far more than they realize through facial expressions and body language, but interpreting these signals isn’t as simple as spotting a fleeting smile or crossed arms. it takes a careful eye, attention to patterns, and an understanding of the context to get a clearer sense of what someone might actually be feeling.

facial expressions provide two key types of clues: macroexpressions and microexpressions. macroexpressions are larger, deliberate, and more obvious, while microexpressions are quick, involuntary flashes tied to universal emotions like happiness, sadness, anger, and fear. psychologist paul ekman studied these fleeting signals, which occur even when someone tries to hide their feelings. though nearly imperceptible, microexpressions can be spotted with practice and offer insight into genuine emotions.

body language is even broader and often just as revealing. a relaxed posture can signal comfort, while crossed arms or tense shoulders might indicate stress or unease. people often try to soothe themselves unconsciously with “pacifying behaviors” like touching their necks or rubbing their temples. even feet tell stories – pointing toward someone when engaged, or away when they’d prefer to leave.

interpreting these signals means going beyond isolated gestures to look for patterns and context. someone fidgeting during a meeting might simply be restless, but if they’re usually composed, it could hint at something deeper.

finally, the eyes add another layer of insight. steady gazes suggest confidence, while rapid, restless movements can signal anxiety. these subtle clues, like all nonverbal signals, are pieces of a larger puzzle. understanding them takes patience and a willingness to see the full picture of what someone is truly expressing.

charlotte walked into the office one day with a spring in her step and a new haircut she clearly felt excited about. she asked her coworker derek what he thought of it. while derek didn’t really care about hairstyles, he knew charlotte often felt insecure about her appearance and needed some encouragement. “it looks great,” he said with enthusiasm, recognizing her emotional need for validation. his thoughtful response made her smile, boosted her confidence, and deepened her trust in him.

this small interaction is a perfect example of emotional intelligence in action, a concept popularized by psychologist daniel goleman. understanding people better starts with interpreting emotional cues, both rational and instinctive. goleman’s framework for emotional intelligence outlines four key components: self-awareness, self-management, self-motivation, and social awareness. together, they provide a roadmap for understanding emotions – both your own and those of others.

self-awareness is the foundation. it means recognizing your emotions, why they arise, and how they shape your actions. it also involves understanding how your feelings affect others and being open to feedback. when you master this, self-management becomes possible – you learn to regulate your emotions, staying calm under stress and expressing yourself constructively. this isn’t about bottling feelings up but using them to improve your decisions and relationships.

social awareness extends these skills outward. derek’s response to charlotte shows the power of social awareness: he saw beyond her words and recognized the emotional validation she sought. developing this skill requires understanding subtext, as much of what people communicate lies beneath the surface. for instance, a coworker’s flat “it’s fine” often signals dissatisfaction when paired with a lack of enthusiasm. similarly, noticing deviations in tone, body language, or behavior can reveal more than words alone.

humor adds another layer to understanding others. a person’s humor style – whether self-deprecating, dark, or witty – often reflects deeper traits. for example, light self-deprecating humor may show confidence, while excessive self-mockery could point to low self-esteem. dark humor, often rooted in cynicism or sarcasm, might reveal manipulative tendencies, especially when used to mock or invalidate others. witty banter, by contrast, strengthens bonds and signals pro-social intent, while laughter at violence can indicate desensitization or moral disengagement.

by combining goleman’s emotional intelligence framework with the ability to read subtext and humor, you’ll build a deeper connection to others and gain powerful insights into their unspoken thoughts and feelings.

after world war ii, veterans faced challenges transitioning from their military experience to civilian roles. a reflective process emerged that encouraged them to focus on their proudest achievements. this revealed their strengths and underlying values, offering a more meaningful way to explore their identities.

indirect questions provide similar insights by focusing on actions and behaviors instead of vague intentions. asking what activities feel energizing, and which leave you drained? or where do you happily invest versus where do you hold back? helps uncover someone’s priorities. similarly, imagining how to design a game character highlights the traits the designer finds most important – or unimportant – in themselves and others.

an exercise known as the seven stories builds on this by having people identify 25 accomplishments that make them proud, then narrowing the list to the seven that feel most meaningful. each accomplishment is then explored through its own story, detailing what happened, why it mattered, and the values or traits it reflects – such as resilience or creativity. for example, leading a project might highlight teamwork, while completing a personal challenge could showcase determination. together, these narratives can reveal recurring themes that define a person’s identity.

carl jung’s personality test adds another layer, tapping into subconscious perceptions. participants describe a color, an animal, a body of water, and a white room, using three adjectives for each. these adjectives can reveal how someone views themselves, others, and their experiences. for instance, describing a waterfall as “raging” and “powerful” might suggest emotional intensity, while calling a deer “timid” and “gentle” shows a softer perspective on relationships.

by combining indirect questions with reflective tools like the seven stories exercise and jung’s test, you can uncover the motivations and values that shape someone’s true identity.

picture yourself on a desert road. you’re facing a treasure chest brimming with riches – but an out-of-control 18-wheeler is hurtling toward it. would you run for the chest or jump for safety? of course, you’d go for safety! this is a core principle of human motivation: we’re driven by the desire to seek pleasure and avoid pain, but the instinct to escape pain usually dominates. whether it’s a smoker craving immediate relief while ignoring long-term health risks or someone choosing comfort food despite diet goals, short-term perceptions of pleasure or pain overpower logic.

but motivation is more than just pain or pleasure – it’s layered. abraham maslow’s hierarchy explains how needs evolve as we progress in life. starting with survival basics like food and safety, we later seek connection, self-esteem, and ultimately self-actualization – where purpose and morality take center stage. understanding where someone falls in this hierarchy reveals what drives them at that moment.

the american psychologist david mcclelland’s model simplifies motivation into three core needs: affiliation, achievement, and power. someone chasing affiliation thrives in group harmony, while achievement-oriented individuals set ambitious goals and relish challenges. those motivated by power seek influence, either over others or within institutions.

motivations can also be influenced by the need to protect self-image. when faced with failure, shame, or perceived inadequacy, people often turn to defense mechanisms – like denial, rationalization, or projection – to shield themselves from uncomfortable truths. for example, a poor performer at work might blame unfair treatment, deflecting attention from their own mistakes. these defenses distort reality, creating blind spots even the person might not notice.

from craving nachos at a bar to justifying poor decisions, understanding these layers of motivation offers insight into why people act as they do. whether it’s the pull of pleasure, the push of pain, or the ego’s armor, behavior reveals the internal forces shaping it.

have you ever questioned why some people struggle in relationships or battle with self-worth? childhood experiences, from attachment styles to parenting, often hold the answers.

attachment styles are formed by how caregivers treated us as children. these fall into four types: secure, anxious-preoccupied, dismissive-avoidant, and fearful-avoidant. a securely attached person feels confident in love and trust. anxious-preoccupied individuals often fear abandonment, seeking constant reassurance. dismissive-avoidant people avoid intimacy to protect their independence, while fearful-avoidant individuals crave connection yet shy away due to past trauma.

self-esteem is also deeply rooted in early life. a child raised with relentless expectations may grow into a perfectionistic adult, feeling they’re never good enough. neglect can lead to low self-worth, people-pleasing, and self-sabotaging behaviors. for some, over-praise and inconsistency might result in narcissistic traits, where an inflated self-image masks underlying insecurity.

sibling dynamics also play a role, though the scientific support for birth order theory is mixed. this idea suggests that first-borns often shoulder the burden of high expectations, becoming responsible but sometimes anxious. middle children may feel overlooked yet develop strong social bonds, while the youngest tend to be charismatic and adventurous, though they might avoid responsibility.

parenting styles significantly influence outcomes. authoritarian parents can instill insecurity and hypersensitivity in their children, someti mes creating adults who internalize relationship problems or rebel against authority. permissive parenting can lead to poor impulse control and lack of discipline, while uninvolved parents often raise children with low self-esteem and a fear of rejection. conversely, authoritative parents strike a balance, fostering well-adjusted, emotionally resilient adults.

these early influences leave lasting marks, shaping how we behave in relationships, manage emotions, and view the world. by understanding someone’s upbringing – be it attachment style, self-esteem, birth order, or parenting – you can gain deeper empathy for their actions and motivations. these clues offer further help in unravelling why people are the way they are.

in this chapter to how to speed read people by patrick king, you’ve learned that understanding and analyzing people is both an art and a science, and how learning about people’s personalities and behaviors can transform the way you connect with others. by exploring the roots of human traits and actions, you now have tools to uncover what drives the people around you. 

reading people is more than just listening to their words – it’s noticing the emotions and intentions revealed through body language, facial expressions, and small gestures. these subtle signs can offer a clearer picture of what someone is feeling or thinking, even when they’re trying to hide it. combined with thoughtful questions and reflective tools, these skills make building and managing relationships easier, whether in professional settings or personal life.

most importantly, these skills help you understand yourself better, too. when you know your own tendencies, strengths, and challenges, you can make smarter choices and build relationships that truly resonate. 

okay, that’s it for this chapter. we hope you enjoyed it. if you can, please take the time to leave us a rating – we always appreciate your feedback. see you in the next chapter.