You Only Die Once

jodi wellman, you only die once, how to make it to the end with no regrets when's the last time you felt truly, vibrantly alive?

many of us reach a certain point where we realize we've been sleepwalking through our days, merely going through the motions as precious time slips away.

regularly contemplating our impermanence can jolt us out of complacency and reawaken our appreciation for the gift of being alive.

to viscerally grasp just how finite our time is, author jodi wellman encourages us to calculate our remaining weeks.

assuming an average lifespan of 80 years, subtract your current age from 80, then multiply that by 52.

the resulting number is likely far smaller than you'd imagine.

so how do you live life to the fullest?

or, as wellman puts it, how do you live life astonishingly?

life is short, so let's get right into it.

living astonishingly if you want to live a full life, a key starting point is identifying what makes you feel energized, engaged, and like your most authentic self.

one powerful exercise is to make a list of the activities, relationships, places, and experiences that spark genuine joy and aliveness in you.

maybe it's losing yourself in an art project, hiking in nature, or having deep conversations with loved ones.

first, identify these things, and second, think about how you can incorporate them into your daily and monthly routines.

it's also crucial to confront what feels stagnant or empty.

this means asking yourself hard questions like, when was the last time i felt fully engaged with life?

are there ways in which i've somehow given up on really living?

grappling with tough questions like these can fuel positive change.

of course, an astonishing life will look different for everyone.

it's about what's meaningful and true to you.

consider keeping a diary for a period of time to audit how you spend your days.

note what you want more of, what you'd like less of, and how you might boost your sense of purpose.

it's important to keep paying attention, to stay awake as your life unfolds.

deliberate reflection can help you here.

feeling brave?

here's an exercise you can try to clarify what really matters.

write your own obituary.

imagine you've reached the end of your life.

what would you want the summary of your time on earth to reflect?

what accomplishments, relationships, or qualities would make you feel most proud?

jot down the highlights you'd love to be remembered for.

perhaps it's the incredible adventures you went on, the way you made people feel loved and accepted, or the positive impact you had.

don't hold back.

dream big.

then, work backward.

what do you need to start doing, or do differently, to make this vision a reality?

let your ideal obituary serve as a compass, guiding your choices and priorities moving forward.

here's another powerful exercise.

imagine you're 80 or 90 years old, reflecting back on your life as it is now.

what words of wisdom would your elder self lovingly offer?

would they urge you to stress less about the little things, or conversely, to sweat the details a bit more?

would they encourage you to be bolder in going after your dreams, or to focus more on appreciating what you already have?

would they advise you to nurture certain relationships, pursue a passion you've been neglecting, or make your well-being a higher priority?

really step into the shoes of your wisest elder self, and view your current circumstances through their compassionate yet discerning eyes.

jot down any insights, and consider how you might put their advice into practice, starting today.

this simple mental shift in perspective can cut through the noise and clarify what truly matters in the big picture.

in a world where it's all too easy to drift, these tools can help you wake up before it's too late.

mining regrets for wisdom.

say you're on your deathbed looking back at life.

what would you regret not doing, being, or saying?

while we often think of regrets as purely negative, they can serve a profound purpose.

research shows that of all our negative emotions, people value regret the most for its ability to clarify mistakes and guide better decision-making.

jody wellman distinguishes between two main types of regrets.

hot regrets are regrets of commission, like losing your temper at a loved one.

they burn intensely in the short term.

in contrast, regrets of omission are the haunting what-ifs that linger, like never pursuing a dream career.

wellman surveyed hundreds of people, asking them about their regrets.

among those frequently cited were neglecting health, failing to prioritize relationships, abandoning passions, and making fear-based versus growth-oriented choices.

so how can you transmute regrets from sources of suffering to catalysts for change?

by treating past regrets as lessons, instructions rather than reasons to ruminate.

by extracting insights about what to do differently, you can make future choices with greater wisdom.

let's return to the question at the beginning of this section.

say you're on your deathbed, with only 24 hours to live.

with unflinching honesty, consider what you would most regret not doing, being, or saying.

what dreams would feel most painful to leave unexplored?

what relationships, interests, or values would you wish you had nurtured more fully?

this is your deathbed regrets list.

write down anything that surfaces from the weighty, never telling your father you'd forgiven him, to the seemingly trivial, never learning to make your grandmother's signature dish.

wellman recommends highlighting the most gut-wrenching ones, those that trigger a visceral sense of loss and longing.

these are the regrets to tackle first.

but how?

the key is to take immediate action, even if it's a microstep.

if you regret a frayed relationship, send a thoughtful text.

if you wish you'd prioritized your health, schedule an overdue checkup.

if an abandoned creative dream keeps resurfacing, sign up for that pottery class today.

the magnitude of the action matters less than the meaning behind it.

to be sure, some regrets are harder to face.

paths not taken, like never having children or recovering from addiction, may elicit intense grief.

wellman acknowledges the courage it takes to confront these lost possible selves and to reimagine a different future.

yet doing so is crucial to move forward with acceptance and renewed hope.

crafting a life with minimal regret is an ongoing practice.

in the end, living with intention is the greatest gift you can give your future self.

boosting your vitality.

have you ever found yourself feeling utterly, defectuously alive?

so energized and engaged that you couldn't wait to jump out of bed?

many of us assume that vitality, that ineffable zest for life, is an accident of genetics or circumstances.

on the contrary, vitality is a highly malleable state that we can deliberately amplify with the right choices.

wellman defines vitality as our positive sense of aliveness and energy.

it encompasses feelings of enthusiasm, curiosity, passion, and engagement.

when we have vitality, we don't just slog through our days, we embrace them.

and that makes all the difference for our productivity, creativity, relationships, and overall life satisfaction.

so then why do many of us feel more like zombies than zealots?

wellman points to several sneaky vitality snuffers that can gradually drain us if we're not careful.

excessive screen time is one.

studies show that spending hours upon hours scrolling through social media or binge-watching tv severely affects our well-being.

we may feel relaxed in the moment, but over time, it erodes our energy, mood, and sense of life and connection.

other common culprits include overwork, chasing an ever-higher paycheck rather than fulfillment, neglecting our physical health, and surrounding ourselves with negative people, those who have a knack for magnifying the negative in any situation.

so how can you amplify your vitality in the face of it all?

by proactively filling your days with experiences that make you feel alive.

that might mean getting lost in a challenging hobby.

engaging in activities that put you in flow states is a reliable path to vitality.

or you might find aliveness in savoring sensory pleasures, like the scent of honeysuckle on an evening walk, the taste of a ripe peach in august, or the thrum of a favorite record.

when you consciously tune into these simple delights, you can't help but feel more alive.

movement is also key to keeping your vital juices flowing.

can you pepper your days with physical activity?

how about an impromptu kitchen dance party while waiting for the coffee to brew?

connection begets energy, which begets a more passionate, engaged life.

then again, connection may be the greatest vitality booster of all.

prioritizing time with the people you love, whether it's a quick catch-up call or a leisurely walk in the park, is like plugging a battery pack straight into your soul.

it's not about cramming your calendar to the gills.

it's about feeling a sense of autonomy, spending your precious time and energy in ways that feel aligned with what you care about.

and that's where the link between vitality and mortality comes in.

when you viscerally recognize that your days are numbered, you're far less likely to squander them on things that feel deadening versus enlivening.

the acute awareness of your finitude, uncomfortable as it may be, can jolt you out of complacency and into committed action.

because the ultimate antidote to an unlived life is vitality, and it's within your power to cultivate it.

the main takeaway of this chapter to you only die once by jodie wellman is that to live a life with minimal regrets, you have to consciously pursue what truly matters to you.

by engaging in deliberate reflection, you'll be able to identify what sparks joy and meaning for you personally.

recognizing the preciousness and finitude of your days can jolt you out of complacency and into committed action.

and remember that vitality, that ineffable zest for life, is a malleable state.

you can deliberately amplify it through the right choices like engaging in flow, savoring sensory pleasures, and nurturing connection.

okay, that's it for this chapter.

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