Why We Do What We Do

what motivates you? is it the thrill of recognition, a paycheck, or the quiet satisfaction of a job well done? if you’re a sports fan, you might assume that competition, fame, and prizes are the ultimate motivators for most athletes. but what if these external rewards aren’t actually what keep us truly satisfied? what if, instead of driving us forward, they’re the very things that can ultimately drain our motivation?

why we do what we do dives into the heart of human motivation to uncover why some goals energize us while others leave us drained. it posits that the secret lies in intrinsic motivation – the drive that comes from within us, not from external incentives.

in this chapter, we’ll examine the essential human need for autonomy, the stifling effects of controlling environments, and how nurturing intrinsic motivation can unlock greater creativity, fulfillment, and success. whether you’re looking to rediscover joy in your work, inspire your team, or finally tackle that passion project you’ve been putting off, you’ll discover surprising insights that resonate across all areas of life.

ready to uncover what really  drives you – and how you can harness it? then let’s get started.

everyday life is full of challenges. from financial struggles and fractured relationships to unhealthy lifestyles and societal pressures. it’s no wonder many feel overwhelmed, leading to harmful behaviors that ripple outwards, impacting families, workplaces, and communities. 

so, how do we respond to these unwanted or damaging behaviors? whether it’s managers addressing employees, teachers managing students, or even how we treat ourselves, the common approach has often been to double down on control. this means demanding accountability, enforcing stricter rules, and relying on rewards or punishments to set things straight. but these approaches often backfire, worsening the very problems they aim to solve.

what if, instead of trying to impose compliance, we asked a deeper question: “why are people acting this way in the first place?” 

at the heart of this issue lies human motivation – specifically, the role of autonomy. when individuals act autonomously, they’re guided by their values and feel a sense of freedom and authenticity. they’re more likely to embrace responsibility because their actions align with their true selves. but when control takes over – whether from external pressures or internalized expectations – people feel alienated, disconnected from their own motivations, and less invested in their actions.

the response to control generally manifests in two ways: compliance or defiance. while compliance might appear cooperative, it often breeds resentment or quiet rebellion beneath the surface. defiance, on the other hand, is an outright rejection of authority, fueling a cycle of resistance and stricter control. neither path leads to the meaningful, lasting change that only genuine self-motivation can provide.

the key takeaway? fostering autonomy rebuilds authenticity and responsibility – not just in individuals but in entire communities. by creating environments that nurture people’s connection to their inner values, we can break free from cycles of alienation and control. in the following sections, we’ll offer a hopeful, research-backed roadmap to navigate these challenges and encourage a more engaged, self-motivated world.

when exploring the question of why we do what we do, the focus naturally turns to motivation. what drives us to act? and, more importantly, what happens when we lose that drive? the challenge we face is this: how can we cultivate genuine, self-directed motivation in others – whether they’re kids, students, or employees– instead of fostering the disengagement and apathy so prevalent today?

the psychologist harry harlow was fascinated by motivation. he discovered that monkeys, much like curious kids, would eagerly solve puzzles without any reward. they weren’t in it for a prize – they just enjoyed the process. this is what harlow called intrinsic motivation: the pure joy of doing something for its own sake.

but here’s the kicker: as kids grow older, this natural curiosity often fades. by the time they hit school, many kids seem indifferent to learning. why? the culprit might be the very tools we use for the purpose of motivation – rewards, rules, and regimentation.  

in the author’s own research, deci tested what happens when you introduce external rewards, like money, to activities people already find enjoyable. the results? once a reward is involved, people’s focus shifts. instead of enjoying the activity for what it is, they see it as a means to an end. and when the rewards stop, they no longer find the activity as interesting as they once did.

this shift – from joy to obligation – leads to alienation. people lose touch with their inner drive and instead become controlled by outside pressures, with profound consequences for both individuals and society. we need to rethink how we motivate ourselves and others. true vitality comes from tapping into the innate curiosity and excitement we’re all born with – not being seduced by external rewards.

the same can be said about the motivator of competition. in the end, this is just another form of control, which causes people to lose the joy and enthusiasm for what they’re doing. being told they must win a competition can zap the fun out of it, even for winners.

people crave autonomy. they want to feel like they’re the ones steering their own ship. take that away – by adding deadlines, surveillance, or even well-meaning rewards – and motivation tends to plummet.  

but here’s the silver lining: offering meaningful choices can reignite that inner spark. when people have options, they feel empowered and more connected to an activity. for instance, letting students pick their essay topics or allowing workers input on team projects can make a world of difference. it’s not just about avoiding control – it’s about encouraging autonomy in a thoughtful way. 

it’s all in the delivery. barking orders or micromanaging creates resistance, but acknowledging someone’s perspective and including their input fosters motivation. respect, choice, and understanding create an environment where motivation thrives. while rewards or competition aren’t inherently bad, they need to be carefully balanced to avoid becoming controlling forces.

there’s another drawback that comes when extrinsic rewards are used as motivation: people invariably start to cut corners. rather than doing our best, we look for ways to manipulate or cheat, or focus on shallow, short-term outcomes. think of a salesperson lying to seal a deal or a student cramming for a test only to forget the material days later.

this is a stark contrast to intrinsic motivation. when you’re driven by curiosity, passion, or a sense of purpose, this is when you work with a vitality and transcendence – the state that psychologist mihaly csikszentmihalyi called flow. that’s the sweet spot where time flies, the work feels meaningful, and the joy comes from doing, not just finishing. artists, athletes, and even surgeons can relate to this feeling – it’s deeply fulfilling and produces richer, more creative results.

when external rewards dominate, they create a dependency. people stop the behavior as soon as the reward disappears. it also nudges them toward shortcuts: why invest in quality or authenticity when the quickest route to the reward will do?  

that said, extrinsic rewards do have their place – like paying salaries – but they’re best used sparingly and equitably. focus on creating environments where people connect with the inherent value of what they’re doing. that’s where genuine engagement, creativity, and satisfaction thrive.

the final thing to consider here is how we can use a sense of competence as motivation. simply put, people need to see how their actions will lead to meaningful results. without this clarity, motivation falters.

in the us, people believe that hard work can lead to promotions, bonuses, or personal satisfaction, making them more likely to stay engaged. however, this system isn’t perfect – those who don’t have access to its rewards, due to poor education or systemic barriers, are often left behind, mirroring the demotivation seen in controlled economies like the former soviet union.

systems have to work with autonomy in mind, and they need to be clear in how a person’s good and competent work will be put to meaningful use. but like any other kind of motivation, this too can end up being felt as tools of control, which will result in negative effects. even bonuses or promotions at work, when they are used in manipulative ways can sap an employees' intrinsic motivation. similarly, praise, often thought of as a positive motivator, can backfire if it feels controlling. feedback must be handled carefully. positive feedback can feel controlling if poorly delivered, while negative feedback, when not autonomy-supportive, can completely drain motivation.

it all comes back to supporting autonomy. effective managers, teachers, and parents focus on fostering intrinsic motivation by creating environments that encourage choice, provide optimal challenges, and allow individuals to feel competent. whether in workplaces, schools, or families, this approach fosters not just motivation, but creativity, productivity, and long-term well-being.

if you’re interested in what makes people tick, it’s worth diving into the history of psychology and its two divergent traditions. one is rooted in internal processes, beginning with freud’s psychoanalytic theories, which explore the deep, often unconscious reasons behind behavior. the other stems from behaviorism, pioneered by b.f. skinner, which focuses on observable actions and their external reinforcements.

while these two schools have historically clashed, we can bridge the gap by combining empirical research with humanistic ideas, creating what the author calls empirical humanism.

at the heart of this theory is the concept of organismic integration. basically, it suggests that humans are not passive mechanisms waiting to be programmed, nor savages needing to be tamed. instead, we are proactive organisms with an inherent drive to explore, grow, and integrate diverse aspects of ourselves. this integration goes hand-in-hand with our desire for autonomy, authenticity and a harmonious sense of self. along those same lines, we are influenced by our environments. when we’re in environments that support the diverse aspects of ourselves, as well as our autonomy and competence, our intrinsic motivation is enhanced – we’ll perform well. environments that control or undermine these feelings will lead to poor behavior.

for example, a young football player who is also an artist is going to thrive when supported in both roles, resisting stereotypes and societal pressures. such autonomy-supportive environments nurture not only motivation but also a coherent and authentic identity. human development flourishes in contexts that balance autonomy and environmental support, allowing individuals to thrive authentically and harmoniously.

but here’s another question: how can we motivate people to engage in necessary but uninteresting tasks in ways that feel authentic and fulfilling, rather than controlling or begrudging? 

the answer lies in a process called internalization, through which we adopt external values or regulations and make them our own. now, there are two forms of internalization: introjection and integration. 

introjection happens when people follow rules or expectations out of guilt, pressure, or obligation – like a drill sergeant’s commands echoing in their minds. for instance, the author recounts the story of a man who reluctantly took over his family business, driven by a sense of duty rather than genuine commitment. his half-hearted compliance eventually led to failure.

integration, on the other hand, is the gold standard. here, people adopt external values and align them with their sense of self. they engage in activities not because they have to, but because they recognize their importance and choose to take responsibility. imagine a child who starts taking out the trash on their own, not because their parents nag them, but because they’ve internalized the value of contributing to a smoothly run household.

once more, the difference in achieving integration, rather than introjection, is offering autonomy support, fostering a sense of choice, providing clear rationales, and acknowledging feelings. even with tedious tasks, we’re more likely to persist and feel positive about it when teachers, managers, or parents explain the purpose, exert minimal pressure, and offer empathy toward our reluctance. these elements led to authentic engagement, as opposed to begrudging compliance.

by fostering this type of integration, people can internalize values in a way that supports both personal growth and social responsibility. this balance – between individuality and the needs of others – forms the foundation for living authentically, responsibly, and freely.

while it’s important to create environments that support autonomy and intrinsic motivation, society isn’t always on our side. 

people often lose touch with their true selves because of introjects. these are internalized expectations from others about who you should be. these rigid demands, like “you must be successful to be worthy,” or “you must out-earn your peers to be valuable,” act like internal controllers and latch on to our ego. they also lead people to suppress their authentic feelings and desires.

extrinsic motivations often function in a similar way. take, for example, “the american dream.” the pursuit of wealth, fame, and beauty – the hallmarks of extrinsic aspirations – can motivate people, but they often come at a significant cost to mental health and overall life satisfaction.

the american dream is often tied to the idea of rugged individualism. but individualism is not the same as autonomy. true autonomy involves self-knowledge and alignment with one’s values, while individualism often revolves around selfishness and societal conformity.

when we chase introjected or extrinsic motivations to gain acceptance or approval, we inevitably sacrifice autonomy and risk creating a “false self.” this false self is built on external validation rather than personal authenticity, leading to a fragile sense of identity. this is particularly harmful in relationships where love becomes contingent on meeting certain expectations, such as a child only feeling worthy after earning an a or cleaning their room. true autonomy support, by contrast, is unconditional. it nurtures authentic self-esteem: a stable sense of worth that doesn’t depend on meeting others’ expectations. 

when the ego takes control, it might drive short-term wins, but it ultimately stifles intrinsic motivation, creativity, and adaptive problem-solving. genuine self-esteem, rooted in autonomy and personal values, allows people to evaluate their actions without questioning their fundamental worth – offering both resilience and the freedom to grow authentically.

autonomy support offers a powerful framework for nurturing relationships in classrooms, workplaces, and families. it doesn’t mean surrendering authority but rather creating a collaborative environment by offering meaningful choices. this approach values individual perspectives while fostering a sense of ownership and self-direction.

for example, teachers can let students decide from a few options on how to learn about a topic, or managers can involve employees in project decisions. by valuing individuals’ perspectives and creating space for ownership, autonomy-supportive environments enhance motivation and performance.

this method is equally effective in driving positive change. a person must want to change before they can successfully break free from harmful behaviors. autonomy-supportive doctors, for example, achieve better outcomes by empowering patients rather than adopting a cold or controlling stance. by providing information – such as the dangers of nicotine – and suggesting strategies, they leave the ultimate choice in the patient’s hands. this empowerment fosters real, lasting change, as opposed to resistance or surface-level compliance.

the same can be said for the workplace. external pressures like rewards, deadlines, and a focus on money tend to create inner conflicts. employees end up with rigid values and defiant behaviors that trap people in cycles of compliance or rebellion. by creating autonomy supportive environments where the employees’ choices are valued, businesses can transcend these influences with people who are naturally invested in their work.

autonomy is how we move toward true freedom. when we’re driven by material success or battling against societal norms, we’re making choices that are ultimately controlled by inner pressures. 

ultimately, autonomy leads us toward genuine freedom – not the rejection of all constraints, but the alignment of actions with core values. true freedom comes from living authentically, balancing autonomy with connection and responsibility. this mindset fosters trust, collaboration, and growth, creating environments where individuals and communities can thrive together.

the main takeaway from why we do what we do by edward l. deci and richard flaste is the transformative power of intrinsic motivation in shaping human behavior. people thrive when they feel autonomous, competent, and connected to others, and true motivation stems from within – not from external rewards or pressures. by creating autonomy-supportive environments in classrooms, workplaces, families, and healthcare, we can encourage deeper engagement, better outcomes, and personal growth.

autonomy isn’t about unlimited freedom; it’s about empowering individuals to make meaningful choices aligned with their values. the book underscores the harm caused by controlling environments – whether through societal norms, rewards, or punishments – and highlights the role of empathy and collaboration in fostering lasting, positive change.

okay, that’s it for this chapter. we hope you enjoyed it. if you can, please take the time to leave us a rating – we always appreciate your feedback. see you in the next chapter.