Tell Yourself a Better Lie

the stories we tell ourselves shape how we see the world and, more importantly, how we see ourselves. these internal narratives influence our choices, relationships, and even our ability to pursue happiness. 

but what if the story you’ve been living by isn’t true – or worse, is holding you back? many of these stories originate in childhood, rooted in misunderstandings or painful experiences, and they often go unquestioned for years. the good news? you have the power to rewrite them.

rapid transformational therapy – rtt for short – is a powerful method that helps uncover and reshape these deep-seated narratives. by using tools like hypnosis and reframing, rtt identifies the limiting beliefs hidden in your subconscious and replaces them with empowering truths. this isn’t about ignoring the past but about reinterpreting it in a way that frees you to move forward.

in this chapter, you’ll learn how rtt works through six stories of transformation. from overcoming debilitating fears to finding self-acceptance, these examples reveal how changing the story you tell yourself can profoundly change your life. whether you’re seeking clarity, confidence, or healing, the lessons within will guide you toward a better, more fulfilling narrative.

life can feel overwhelming when you’re trapped in a cycle of obsessive thoughts and behaviors. for carrie, her ocd – a condition marked by repetitive actions and intrusive thoughts – was more than just a habit; it had become a way to cope with deep-seated pain.

carrie’s struggles began in childhood, where instability and neglect defined her formative years. her mother’s indifference and favoritism toward her brother left carrie feeling unloved and unimportant. these feelings were compounded by severe trauma, including sexual abuse by her older brother and bullying from neighborhood children. this profound lack of safety during her early years taught her subconscious that control was the only way to feel secure.

her ocd behaviors reflected this need for control. she developed rigid hygiene routines, such as brushing her teeth multiple times a day and requiring long showers. these rituals were her way of creating order in a world where she felt powerless and exposed. but the control she sought externally never addressed the emotional turmoil within, and the behaviors became exhausting and disruptive.

through rapid transformational therapy, carrie uncovered the emotional roots of her ocd using the rfpi technique – which stands for role, function, purpose, and intention. this method involved giving her ocd a “voice” to articulate its purpose – it existed to keep her safe and compensate for the love and security she lacked as a child. guided questions like, “what happens if i don’t keep carrie safe?” helped her understand that her ocd was a protective mechanism formed during trauma. by reframing ocd as a misguided protector rather than an enemy, carrie could release its hold and address her underlying emotional needs.

understanding this allowed carrie to realize she no longer needed ocd to feel safe. rtt guided her to reconnect with her inner child – the younger version of herself that had endured so much – and provide the love and security she had lacked. by becoming her own source of unconditional support, she could release the behaviors that no longer served her.

healing involves addressing unmet emotional needs, not just managing symptoms. by recognizing and fulfilling those needs, you can rewrite your story, transform your patterns, and create a life grounded in self-acceptance and inner peace.

ryan lived a life that seemed functional on the surface, but inside, he was grappling with profound struggles. his challenges included addiction to substances like alcohol and marijuana, as well as compulsive behaviors involving junk food and pornography. he also suffered from depression, anxiety, and self-sabotage. at his lowest points, ryan felt so overwhelmed that he considered suicide. despite his outward appearance, he was carrying the weight of childhood rejection, parental neglect, and a deep sense of inadequacy.

ryan’s early life was shaped by emotional wounds. his father abandoned his mother during her pregnancy, only returning under family pressure. as a child, ryan felt the sting of his father’s favoritism toward his siblings and a lack of love from his mother. key incidents reinforced these feelings: being lost in a mall and scolded instead of comforted, being ignored by teachers, and being shamed for natural childhood curiosity. then, as ryan reached adolescence, his father discovered his sexual orientation, which brought further rejection and shame. these moments instilled in ryan a damaging belief that he was fundamentally unlovable and incapable of connection.

when ryan sought help, he wanted to escape his addictions and live without self-sabotage. using rapid transformational therapy, he began to uncover the emotional roots of his pain. through hypnosis, ryan revisited formative memories that had shaped his self-perception. these scenes revealed that his addictions served as a way to numb the pain of rejection and protect himself from overwhelming loneliness.

the lasting impact of early experiences on beliefs and behaviors is evident in ryan’s story. but by understanding the role, function, purpose, and intention of his addictions, ryan realized they’d developed to shield him from emotional pain and keep him alive during crises. this insight allowed him to begin replacing harmful beliefs with healthier ones.

ryan reframed his childhood experiences, recognizing that his father’s inability to love was a reflection of his father’s own wounds, not ryan’s worth. he practiced self-compassion and developed a supportive inner voice, learning to meet the emotional needs that had gone unmet in his childhood. today, ryan is sober, confident, and free from depression, showing that rewriting your story is the first step toward healing.

gemma, a highly educated biochemist with a phd, appeared to have a successful life. but beneath the surface, she struggled with persistent sadness, low confidence, anxiety, and depression. while her issues were not extreme, they cast a shadow over her well-being. gemma described feeling overshadowed by her husband’s career and often downplayed her own achievements. her sadness felt normal to her, but it was holding her back from reaching her full potential.

in therapy, gemma uncovered childhood experiences that revealed the origins of her struggles. at just two years old, she vividly remembered trying to climb a baby gate to reach her mother, only to be stopped by her father. this separation instilled a deep sorrow, loneliness, and anger. other memories followed: being told to stay in her room after her sibling’s birth, and comforting her mother as a teenager when her parents’ marriage faced turmoil. these moments reinforced a belief that she was second best, unimportant, and powerless.

gemma’s persistent melancholy masked deeper emotions, particularly unresolved anger. she was angry at her father for keeping her from her mother, and frustrated by her lifelong need to seek validation from others. her adult struggles mirrored her childhood feelings of being sidelined and unworthy.

through rapid transformational therapy, gemma was able to express her suppressed anger and recognize its roots in unmet childhood needs. she realized her sadness was a defense mechanism to avoid confronting this anger. using techniques like reframing and self-dialogue, she replaced the outdated belief that she wasn’t enough with a new understanding of her value. she acknowledged her mother’s love and let go of the guilt she felt for not saving her from cancer.

gemma’s story shows how unresolved childhood emotions can shape adult behavior – and how confronting and updating these beliefs can lead to healing. by addressing buried emotions, you can break free from self-limiting patterns and create a more fulfilling life. 

lucy had struggled with deep depression for most of her life. by the time she was 41, she had attempted suicide three times and felt overwhelmed by shame and despair. she loved her children and was devoted to her christian faith, but these feelings weren’t enough to counter the crushing belief that she wasn’t meant to be here. lucy traced these feelings back to a comment her mother had made about crying during the first six months of her pregnancy, believing she couldn’t handle having a child. for lucy, this memory cemented the idea that she was unwanted, and her depression grew out of this deeply ingrained narrative.

as lucy explored the roots of her depression during a therapeutic hypnosis session, three key memories surfaced. she remembered feeling lonely as a child because her parents, both law enforcement officers, were often away. another painful memory involved being abused by her father at age 12, which left her feeling ashamed and responsible for the incident. the third scene was an overwhelming sense of disconnection while in the womb, linked to her mother’s emotional struggles during pregnancy. together, these experiences shaped a belief system in which lucy felt she had to earn love and connection by being a perfect “good girl.”

through rapid transformational therapy, lucy began to rewrite these damaging narratives. she recognized how her perfectionism – a lifelong attempt to gain approval – had led to emotional isolation. she reexamined her beliefs and acknowledged that they no longer served her, replacing the narrative of needing to be “good” with one that allowed her to be authentic, mischievous, and free to live fully.

depression is often rooted in disconnection, unresolved trauma, and harsh self-judgment. healing involves identifying and addressing the source of these feelings rather than suppressing them with coping mechanisms or medication. for lucy, the main realization was that she didn’t need to earn love – it was her birthright. by releasing her perfectionism and embracing self-love, she shifted from wanting to end her life to rediscovering joy and purpose.

lucy’s transformation shows the power of confronting past pain, rewriting false beliefs, and embracing self-acceptance. even the deepest wounds can be healed by reconnecting with yourself and creating a new narrative that supports who you are today.

meet jasmeen. a high-achieving perfectionist with a successful academic record, jasmeen battled anorexia and bulimia for over a decade. her struggles began in childhood, shaped by her parents’ divorce, her father’s remarriage, and feelings of rejection and lack of belonging. food became a substitute for love and control in a world that felt unpredictable and unsupportive. these emotional patterns persisted into adulthood, manifesting as a cycle of bingeing and purging that jasmeen couldn’t break despite years of traditional treatment.

through therapy, jasmeen revisited key moments from her childhood that tied food to emotional survival. at five, she’d hid the candy her father sent her after his remarriage, associating it with love and attention. at eight, she’d felt powerless and angry when denied a second cookie at her grandmother’s house – reinforcing her belief that she couldn’t get what she wanted. these small incidents were rooted in larger feelings of rejection and a lack of control caused by her family’s dynamics.

jasmeen’s bingeing behavior as an adult mirrored her childhood actions, showing that her eating disorder wasn’t about food but about fulfilling unmet emotional needs. food provided a false sense of connection and control, temporarily soothing deeper feelings of inadequacy and powerlessness. by uncovering these underlying beliefs, jasmeen realized that her eating disorder was an ineffective and outdated coping mechanism.

she replaced her childhood associations with empowering, adult beliefs. food, she realized, could never provide the love and acceptance she sought. techniques like reframing – viewing food not as a source of comfort but as fuel – and inner child work, where she visualized providing love and care to her younger self, helped her shift from seeking external validation to providing love and support to herself. this enabled her to approach food with indifference, breaking the cycle of bingeing and purging.

jasmeen’s experience teaches that eating disorders are emotional responses, not just physical conditions. addressing their root causes – like unmet childhood needs or feelings of rejection – is essential for lasting recovery. by embracing self-compassion and curiosity about her emotions, jasmeen reclaimed her life and freed herself from the burdens of her past.

daniel, a father of four, seemed like a confident and capable individual. but he struggled with a debilitating fear of needles that caused him to faint whenever he encountered them, or even discussed medical procedures. daniel sought help to understand and overcome this fear, wanting to live without the constant worry of fainting or losing control. what he discovered was that his phobia wasn’t about needles at all – it was tied to deeply rooted feelings of abandonment and guilt that began in his earliest moments of life.

under hypnosis, daniel revisited these moments and unearthed the emotions buried within them. he realized that his fainting was his mind’s way of “checking out,” a defense against overwhelming feelings of guilt from believing he’d harmed his mother during childbirth and the abandonment he felt from being separated from her in his earliest days. by reframing these early experiences, he replaced harmful beliefs – like thinking he didn’t belong or wasn’t lovable – with new, empowering ones. he learned that these emotions were based on childhood misunderstandings and no longer served him as an adult.

a pivotal part of daniel’s transformation was becoming his own loving parent – a practice that anyone can use to heal emotional wounds. this involves recognizing that while your caregivers may have failed to meet your emotional needs, it’s now your responsibility to provide the love, care, and reassurance your inner child requires. in daniel’s case, he imagined going back to his younger self, offering the unconditional love and support he didn’t receive at the time. and in doing so, he addressed the unmet needs that had fueled his phobia – and the guilt that had shaped his life.

becoming your own loving parent can help you replace feelings of helplessness and rejection with those of safety and belonging. after all, you don’t need anyone else to fulfill those needs; you can do it yourself. through this practice, you can reframe painful memories, instill self-compassion, and free yourself from emotional burdens that no longer serve you.

the path to overcoming fear and guilt starts with uncovering these feelings’ origins, challenging the beliefs they created, and embracing being your own supportive parent. as daniel’s story illustrates, this process allows you to let go of old patterns and confidently step into a life that’s truly yours.

the main takeaway of this chapter to tell yourself a better lie by marisa peer is that the stories you tell yourself shape your reality. by identifying and reframing the deep-seated beliefs that hold you back, you can transform patterns of fear, guilt, sadness, or addiction into empowering narratives. 

through six unique experiences, you’ve seen how understanding and healing these internal stories can unlock freedom, self-compassion, and lasting change. the journey to rewrite your story starts with recognizing your worth and embracing the power to create a life filled with confidence, connection, and purpose.

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