Negotiation Made Simple

negotiation isn't just for boardrooms and big deals. it's a skill everyone uses every day, from deciding where to eat with friends to asking for a raise at work. negotiation is everywhere in close relationships, too – from who does the dishes today to where will we retire? mastering negotiation can transform your relationships, boost your career, and even help you get better deals when you’re shopping. the best part? anyone can learn to be a better negotiator – even if the idea of conflict or confrontation is uncomfortable.

this chapter uncovers the five essential skills of great negotiators, and how to apply them in your daily life. so get ready to discover the tools that can help you navigate relationships and work – and even land that major deal! – with confidence and ease.

while you might think the most important skill any negotiator could have is a strong point of view or an extroverted personality, that's far from the truth. in fact, the first skill an aspiring negotiator must master is the ability to look inward. self-awareness is your secret weapon in any negotiation, whether you're haggling at a market or discussing a promotion with your boss.

being self-aware means having a clear-eyed understanding of yourself – knowing your strengths, weaknesses, and tendencies. it's about recognizing what makes you tick, what pushes your buttons, and how you naturally react in different situations. 

consider the example of zari, a software developer who always felt nervous asking for what she wanted. in team meetings, she'd often agree to take on extra work without negotiating for extra compensation. by reflecting on her behavior, zari realized she had a fear of confrontation stemming from her childhood. she worried that speaking up would mean she wouldn’t be liked, or wasn’t a team player. this awareness allowed her to prepare strategies to manage her anxiety and assert herself more effectively. and far from rejecting or dismissing her, her colleagues actually appreciated her newfound assertiveness.

to boost your self-awareness ahead of any negotiation, start by reflecting on past ones. think about times when you felt satisfied with the outcome of a negotiation, and times when you didn't. what was different about these situations? you might find that you behaved differently in each scenario, or that strong emotions came up.

consider keeping a negotiation journal. after each significant interaction, jot down what happened, how you felt, and what you might do differently next time. this practice can reveal patterns in your behavior and help you identify areas for improvement.

another powerful technique is to ask for feedback from trusted friends or colleagues. malik, a retail manager, was surprised when a coworker mentioned he often came across as aggressive in discussions. this insight helped malik adjust his approach, leading to more positive outcomes in both work and personal negotiations.

self-awareness isn't about being perfect. it's about understanding yourself better so you can play to your strengths and manage your weaknesses. maybe you're great at building rapport but struggle with numbers under pressure. knowing this, you can prepare thoroughly with figures before entering a negotiation, freeing you to focus on relationship-building during the discussion.

as you become more self-aware, you'll find yourself better equipped to handle a wide range of negotiation scenarios. you'll be able to remain calm under pressure, adapt your style to different situations, and ultimately achieve more satisfying results for everyone. 

many people think negotiation is all about winning at any cost. but great negotiators know that, sometimes, the best way to win is to work together. the key is knowing when to compete and when to collaborate.

think of negotiation as a dance, not a battle. sometimes you lead, sometimes you follow, but the goal is to move together gracefully. this approach can lead to better outcomes for everyone involved.

take amira, a small business owner. when a new competitor opened nearby, her first instinct was to slash prices to compete. but then she reconsidered, deciding instead to reach out to the owner and attempt to collaborate. it was the right move. by specializing in different products and referring customers to each other, both businesses thrived.

so how do you know when to compete and when to collaborate? start by assessing the situation. is this a one-time deal, or part of an ongoing relationship? if you'll be working with this person long-term, collaboration often pays off. even in short-term negotiations, looking for win-win solutions can lead to unexpected benefits.

and consider the resources at stake. are they limited, or is there potential for growth? in situations of scarcity, competition might be necessary. but often, creative thinking can expand the pie for everyone.

there are many strategies to shift from competition to collaboration. one is to focus on interests, not positions. instead of fixating on what you want, explore why you want it. you might find common ground with the other party.

to find opportunities for collaboration, be sure to ask questions and listen actively. understanding the other person's needs can reveal opportunities for mutual gain. and it can be productive to brainstorm solutions together. by involving the other party in problem-solving, you create buy-in and often discover innovative solutions.

it is also important to be willing to share information. while you shouldn't reveal everything, being open and honest can build trust and encourage reciprocity. and remember that even in competitive situations, a collaborative approach can give you an edge. by building rapport and understanding, you're more likely to reach a satisfactory agreement.

balancing competition and collaboration isn't always easy, but it's a skill worth mastering. as you practice, you'll develop an intuition for when to stand firm and when to find common ground. this flexibility will make you a more effective negotiator in all areas of life.

in negotiation, the first move can set the tone for everything that follows. it's like the opening play in a chess game – it can shape the entire strategy. so it is important to make that first move count.

first, understand that the opening move isn't always about making the first offer. sometimes, it's about how you enter the room, the questions you ask, or the atmosphere you create. your goal is to start things off on the right foot and guide the conversation in a productive direction.

preparation is key to a strong opening. before you enter any negotiation, do your homework. research the other party, understand the context, and clarify your own goals. this knowledge will help you make a confident and informed first move.

timing matters, too. sometimes, it's best to let the other person make the first offer. this can give you valuable information about their position. other times, making the first move allows you to anchor the negotiation in your favor.

kai, a freelance writer, used to wait for clients to name their price. he often ended up undervaluing his work. he started researching industry rates and making the first offer based on the project's scope. this approach led to fairer compensation and set clear expectations from the start.

when you do make the first move, be bold but realistic. if you're naming a price, aim high (or low if you're the buyer), but stay within a justifiable range. back up your position with solid reasons. this gives you room to negotiate while maintaining credibility.

your opening should also demonstrate respect and a willingness to work together. avoid aggressive or confrontational language. instead, use phrases that invite collaboration, like i'd like to explore how we can find a solution that works for both of us.

remember, the first move isn't just about what you say – it's also about how you say it. your body language, tone of voice, and facial expressions all contribute to that crucial first impression. practice your opening with a friend or in front of a mirror to ensure you're conveying confidence and openness.

yasmin, a project manager, always starts team negotiations by acknowledging each person's expertise and contributions. this simple act of recognition creates a collaborative atmosphere right from the start.

mastering the first move takes practice. don't be discouraged if it doesn't go perfectly every time. each negotiation is a chance to refine your technique. pay attention to how different openings affect the outcome, and adjust your approach accordingly.

imagine that you're trying to untangle a complex knot. you’ll get nowhere if you look at it from one side. you have to turn it, exploring it from different angles and perspectives. this is where empathy and creative problem-solving come into play in negotiations.

empathy is about stepping into the other person's shoes. it's not just about understanding their words, but also their feelings, motivations, and constraints. when you approach a negotiation with empathy, you open up new possibilities for agreement.

like aisha, a human resources manager who was struggling to resolve a conflict between two departments. instead of focusing solely on company policies, she took the time to understand each team's challenges and aspirations. this empathetic approach revealed underlying issues that weren't initially apparent, paving the way for a creative solution that benefited both sides.

to develop your empathy skills, practice active listening. pay attention not just to what the other person is saying, but how they're saying it. watch for non-verbal cues like body language and tone of voice. ask open-ended questions to dig deeper into their perspective.

creative problem-solving goes hand in hand with empathy. once you understand the other party's needs and constraints, you can start thinking outside the box to find solutions that satisfy everyone.

like ravi, a small business owner who was negotiating with a supplier who couldn't meet his price point. instead of giving up, ravi got curious. he learned that the supplier was struggling with cash flow. they worked out a deal where ravi would pay a portion upfront in exchange for a discount, solving both their problems creatively.

there are many techniques that can boost your creative problem-solving skills. for instance, reframe the problem. instead of focusing on obstacles, look for opportunities. ask yourself, what if we approached this differently?

another great technique for creative problem-solving is to create multiple options for a positive outcome. don't settle for the first solution that comes to mind. brainstorm a range of possibilities, no matter how unconventional they might seem at first.

and be sure to look for shared interests. often, beneath conflicting positions lie common goals. identifying these can lead to unexpected solutions. consider the long-term impact, too. sometimes, a creative solution might involve short-term compromises for long-term gains.

elena, a community organizer, used this approach when negotiating with local businesses for event sponsorships. by focusing on shared interests in community development, she created sponsorship packages that offered value beyond mere advertising, resulting in increased support and stronger partnerships.

empathy and creativity aren't just nice-to-have skills in negotiation – they're essential tools for finding win-win solutions in every conflict. by putting yourself in the other person's shoes and thinking creatively, you'll not only achieve better outcomes but also build stronger, more positive relationships along the way.

great negotiators know that true success isn't just about getting what you want. it's about ensuring everyone walks away feeling good about the outcome. this skill is what separates short-term victories from long-lasting relationships and repeated successes.

think of negotiation as baking a cake, not dividing a pie. your goal is to create more value for everyone, not just grab the biggest slice for yourself.

this worked for mary, a freelance designer, who embodied this principle when working with a client on a tight budget. instead of simply lowering her rate, she proposed a phased approach. this allowed the client to spread costs over time while giving mary steady work. both parties felt they'd gained something valuable.

to master the art of keeping everyone satisfied, start by managing expectations from the beginning. be clear about what's possible and what's not. this prevents disappointments later and builds trust from the start.

and focus on interests, not just positions. like keisha, a property manager, who faced a tenant who wanted to break their lease early. instead of refusing outright, she explored why. learning the tenant needed to care for a sick relative, keisha worked out a solution that allowed for a shorter notice period in exchange for help in finding a new tenant. this approach turned a potential conflict into a win-win situation.

always look for ways to add value beyond the immediate negotiation. can you offer knowledge, connections, or future opportunities? these extras can tip the scales in your favor while making the other party feel they've gotten a great deal.

be prepared to get creative with solutions. jamal, negotiating a job offer, realized the company couldn't meet his salary expectations. he proposed performance-based bonuses and additional vacation days instead. this creative approach satisfied both his need for compensation and the company's budget constraints.

remember to consider the long-term impact of your negotiations, too. a slight concession today might lead to a valuable partnership tomorrow. cultivate a reputation for fairness and collaboration, and you'll find doors opening more easily in the future.

lastly, pay attention to how you conclude negotiations. even if you don't reach a deal, ensure the other party feels heard and respected. thank them for their time and leave the door open for future discussions.

by focusing on creating satisfaction for all parties, you'll not only achieve better outcomes but also build a network of people eager to work with you again. this approach transforms negotiation from a one-time transaction into a powerful tool for long-term success and relationship building.

the main takeaway of this chapter to negotiation made simple by john lowry is that… 

great negotiators master five essential skills: self-awareness, balancing collaboration and competition, making impactful first moves, using empathy and creativity to solve problems, and striving for win-win outcomes. by cultivating these skills, you can transform everyday interactions into opportunities for mutual benefit, whether at work, in relationships, or in daily life. and successful negotiation is not about winning at all costs, either, but about creating value for all parties involved, leading to better outcomes and stronger, long-lasting relationships.

okay, that’s it for this chapter. we hope you enjoyed it. if you can, please take the time to leave us a rating – we always appreciate your feedback. see you in the next chapter.