Lead Yourself First

life moves at an incredible pace, with decisions and responsibilities constantly demanding your attention. in those rare moments when everything falls quiet, you might notice how your thoughts become sharper, clearer, and more purposeful. it’s in these peaceful intervals that some of history’s most remarkable insights have emerged – not from frantic activity, but from the power of undisturbed reflection.

this chapter explores the hidden strength that lies in moments of solitude, revealing how dedicated periods of quiet contemplation can transform your approach to leadership and decision-making. you’ll discover practical methods for cultivating mental clarity, unleashing creativity, building emotional resilience, and developing unshakeable moral conviction. by incorporating these insights into your daily routine, you’ll develop the kind of deep, considered wisdom that distinguishes truly exceptional leaders from those who merely manage.

the quiet of 5am brings a special clarity, a time when thoughts flow freely as others sleep. these peaceful moments create space for clear thinking, something great leaders throughout history have recognized as essential for developing their strongest insights and most creative solutions.

our modern world fills every minute with an endless stream of noise and interruption. phone notifications buzz constantly throughout the day, emails begin stacking up before sunrise, and calendars overflow with back-to-back meetings. this constant barrage of information leads many leaders to spend their days reacting to urgent tasks instead of focusing on the deeper questions that shape their organizations’ futures.

others find creative ways to protect their thinking time. take general james mattis, who discovered his best strategic insights during helicopter rides above desert combat zones. with headphones blocking the roar of engines and his eyes tracking the landscape below, he learned something profound about leadership: good decisions need space for independent thinking.

this principle guided bill george during his time as ceo of medtronic inc. by arriving at work before anyone else and spending twenty minutes in complete quiet, he transformed his leadership approach. this simple habit created a daily buffer between constant communication and decision-making, helping him lead with greater clarity and purpose.

these stories reveal something significant about leadership and solitude: finding quiet time doesn’t require elaborate retreats or special locations. whether in a helicopter, an empty office, or on a quiet street, the right conditions emerge when we create space for our brains to process challenges independently, free from constant external input.

building this practice into your schedule starts with small steps. begin with fifteen minutes before your day starts. turn off notifications, sit quietly, and let your mind settle into its natural rhythm. you might be surprised by the solutions that surface when external voices fade away.

consider your daily routine and where quiet moments might naturally fit. some people thrive in early mornings, while others find clarity in evening reflection. the exact timing matters less than consistency – so choose a period that aligns with your natural rhythm and protect it carefully.

leadership combines action with reflection, each strengthening the other. regular periods of solitude create space for processing information and forming clear thoughts, building stronger decision-making skills over time. start small, perhaps tomorrow, with just one quiet window in your schedule. watch how this simple practice gradually transforms your approach to leadership, turning reactive responses into thoughtful choices.

good analytical thinking and clear decision-making might look natural in successful leaders, but these abilities come from dedicated solo practice and structured methods of breaking big problems into smaller pieces.

take general eisenhower during world war ii’s d-day planning. working alone in his quarters on the command ship, he created a smart system of writing detailed notes to himself. each note followed the same careful pattern: he listed every confirmed fact, noted what remained unclear, and picked out the key factors that would make the mission succeed or fail.

his careful analysis showed that weather would make or break the operation. he needed several specific conditions to line up: clear skies so planes could fly, bright moonlight for paratroopers to see, calm seas for ships to move, and low tides to spot german defenses on the beaches. by breaking everything down this way, he could focus on these exact requirements instead of getting lost in endless other details.

modern leaders use similar methods – like sarah dillard, who manages school district combinations. she keeps a digital record of her choices and their results. every wednesday morning, she works from home without phone calls or meetings, studying these records to spot patterns she couldn’t see before.

want to build your own analytical skills? start by creating decision maps for your biggest challenges. draw out each option and what might happen next – and what might happen after that. try using visual diagrams to see how different factors connect. writing down your thinking helps you notice gaps in your logic or hidden beliefs you didn’t know you had.

for each big decision, write three different stories: what could go really well, what could go badly wrong, and what will probably happen. then figure out which factors push things toward each outcome. this helps you notice important details you might miss otherwise.

you’ll also want to ask yourself some key questions. what are you assuming? what information do you still need? have you seen similar situations before? what personal biases might affect your thinking? which facts are you paying too much or too little attention to? go through these questions carefully when facing complicated choices.

solo analytical practice works because it teaches you new ways to think. by building these habits, you learn to take apart complex problems, find the most important pieces, and make choices based on clear thinking rather than instinct or common beliefs. with practice, you can handle complicated problems by breaking them down step by step.

creative breakthroughs often require more than just analytical thinking – they need space for radical new ideas to bloom. this special kind of solitude opens up fresh perspectives that go far beyond standard problem-solving.

a beautiful example of this unfolded in 1960, deep in the mountains of central africa. jane goodall, a young researcher without formal scientific training, made a discovery that would change science forever. she spent long, quiet hours watching chimpanzees in their natural habitat. 

scientific protocol at the time required researchers to stay hidden, studying the chimps from a distance. but during her peaceful observations, goodall noticed something surprising: her attempts to stay concealed made the chimps run away. following her intuition, she began sitting out in the open. this simple act of thinking outside the box transformed her research and revolutionized our knowledge of primate behavior.

this same principle of breaking from conventional thinking patterns shows up in modern business through the work of joey reiman, founder of purpose consultants brighthouse. reiman created what he named environments of unconditioned response. these special spaces help leaders break free from standard thinking. churches with high ceilings, quiet restaurants during off-hours, and early morning walks in new neighborhoods all serve this purpose. away from typical office settings, fresh ideas can surface naturally.

you can create your own spaces for creative thinking by finding your perfect third places – spots separate from both home and work where your mind feels free to wander. look for a specific coffee shop table with an interesting view, a quiet corner in your local library, or maybe a peaceful spot in a park. the physical features of these spaces can shift your perspective in subtle but powerful ways.

take time for what reiman calls deep incubation. set aside four to sixteen weeks for exploring a single creative challenge, with regular quiet sessions in these special spaces. let your thoughts flow without pressure, and watch as unexpected connections form. keep a dedicated notebook nearby to capture these insights as they arise.

you can also try scheduling your creative sessions at unusual times. the pre-dawn quiet, late night stillness, or the rhythmic movement of a long train ride can create natural conditions for creativity. these off-peak hours often bring a different quality of thinking.

during these creative sessions, let your analytical mind rest. focus on discovering new questions rather than solving existing problems. with practice, these periods of creative solitude will help you see challenges in completely new ways.

transformative leadership isn’t just about creative breakthroughs – you also need to stay balanced through the inevitable storms that follow innovation. many significant historical figures found their strength through moments of quiet reflection, creating a private space to process their emotions and maintain public steadiness

consider ulysses s. grant during the civil war battle of the wilderness in 1864. his army faced catastrophic losses, with his flanks breaking apart and his officers rushing back in panic to headquarters. yet grant projected remarkable serenity, sitting calmly on a log and whittling wood while issuing clear directives. later, alone in his tent, he allowed himself to experience the full weight of his emotional burden. this balance of public composure and private release became central to his leadership throughout the war’s most brutal conflicts.

similar patterns emerge in contemporary leadership stories. during the 2008 financial crisis, business consultant pam slim confronted her own leadership test. as her husband’s construction business income vanished overnight, she found herself gripped by middle-of-the-night anxiety. drawing from navajo wisdom, she created a morning ritual, sitting on a specific rock near her house at sunrise, observing the superstition mountains. watching these ancient formations that had endured countless seasons helped her gain fresh perspective. her challenges, which loomed so large in the dark hours, began to feel more manageable in this context.

modern leaders can adapt these principles of emotional resilience in various ways. some keep detailed records of emotional triggers, setting aside weekly quiet time to review and adjust their responses. others build small pauses into their day – a brief walk before addressing challenging correspondence, or quiet moments before difficult conversations. the goal isn’t to push emotions away but to create space for processing them effectively.

consistency proves more valuable than dramatic gestures. a quiet morning practice before starting work builds emotional groundwork for the day. small breaks between meetings serve as reset points. a lunch break without digital interruptions provides valuable perspective. the specific approach matters less than maintaining regular practice.

the world of modern leadership is full of unique pressures. constant digital connection leaves little natural space for emotional processing. building resilience requires creating deliberate moments for reflection rather than trying to ignore emotional responses. these quiet intervals allow leaders to transform raw emotional reactions into thoughtful responses, helping them stay balanced through difficult periods.

beyond emotional resilience lies perhaps the most demanding aspect of leadership solitude – finding the moral courage to stand against the grain.  this requires a special kind of moral strength – one built through quiet reflection and personal conviction.

civil rights pioneer frank m. johnson jr. built this strength through a simple morning ritual. before hearing cases that would reshape american society, he spent an hour in his chambers connecting with his deepest values. he wrote about growing up in winston county, where his neighbors saw dignity in every person regardless of skin color. these morning sessions shaped his understanding of true justice. as threats mounted – with burning crosses on his lawn and his mother’s home destroyed by dynamite – his daily practice gave him the resolve to break down segregation laws piece by piece.

research professor brené brown created her own path to moral clarity. she carved out what she calls moral white space – protected time to weigh the ethical consequences of decisions. this practice proved invaluable during a pivotal moment for her own education and research organization. her team had discovered a way to speed up their research significantly, but the method raised serious privacy questions. brown stepped back for three days of focused reflection, examining the full scope of their choices. the insights from this period shaped her entire organization’s ethical framework.

building moral strength requires creating what johnson named ethical anchors. these go beyond standard mission statements – they’re personal declarations of principles, reviewed regularly in quiet moments. you can concretize your own ethical anchors by recording specific examples: decisions that tested your values, choices you wish you’d made differently, or moments that proved your principles. over time, this builds a detailed guide for future challenges.

brown suggests writing out different paths when facing complex ethical decisions. map three possibilities: the quick fix, the crowd-pleasing option, and the choice that aligns with your values. look at where these paths meet and split. this method brings clarity when practical pressures push against ethical considerations.

the practice of moral reflection grows more valuable as social pressure intensifies. leaders who maintain their direction amid chaos share a common trait: they make time to listen to their inner compass. success follows those who build conviction through quiet contemplation rather than those who simply speak the loudest.

such quiet moments of reflection might seem like a luxury in our fast-paced world. yet they represent an investment in something precious: the ability to lead with both wisdom and integrity. by making space for moral reflection, leaders prepare themselves for moments that will define not just their careers, but their characters.

in this chapter to lead yourself first by raymond m. kethledge and michael s. erwin, you’ve learned that leadership excellence emerges from purposeful solitude, where clear thinking and deep insights take root in moments of quiet reflection.

the journey through leadership solitude reveals four key dimensions: analytical clarity, creative innovation, emotional balance, and moral courage. great leaders like eisenhower and grant found strength in quiet moments, whether planning d-day operations or maintaining composure during battle. modern executives continue this tradition, carving out dawn hours and peaceful spaces to process complex challenges. 

through consistent practice of solitude – whether in early morning reflection, mindful walks, or dedicated thinking spaces, leaders develop sharper decision-making skills, unlock creative breakthroughs, build emotional resilience, and strengthen their moral compass. these quiet moments, though seemingly simple, form the foundation of transformative leadership that stands the test of time.

okay, that’s it for this chapter. we hope you enjoyed it. if you can, please take the time to leave us a rating – we always appreciate your feedback. see you in the next chapter.