Become What You Are

ever feel like finding yourself, or your place in the universe, is a never-ending struggle? alan watts, that cheeky sage of eastern wisdom in the west, has a paradox for you: what if losing yourself is the key to truly living?

it’s like flying a kite: the harder you pull the string, the less it soars – but let go, and suddenly it’s dancing with the wind. what if you are that kite? watts loved to flip our thinking upside down like this.

he’d say something like, you're not just a drop in the ocean, you are the ocean, and throw back his head with a laugh. becoming serious, he’d go on to tell you that your life, your stuff, your reputation – holding on to these things is actually holding you back.

this chapter dives into a world where having nothing means possessing everything. so buckle up for a mind-bending ride through the playful life wisdom of alan watts. it might just change how you see … well, everything.

imagine yourself standing on a beach, wiggling your toes in the warm sand. ask yourself where you end and the beach begins. the answer is not as clear-cut as you might think. this fuzzy boundary between you and the world is what alan watts loved to explore when he talked about the illusion of separateness.

you’ve probably spent your whole life thinking you’re a separate self, distinct from everything around you. parents, teachers, friends, all reinforce the idea that you’re a person, unique and apart. it’s a bit like thinking you’re a lone island in a vast ocean. but watts would point out that islands are really just the peaks of underwater mountains. they’re all a part of the same earth, and not separated at all if you look underneath.

now, take a breath. that air you just inhaled? it’s been part of countless other beings before you. the carbon in your body once made up stars. you’re not just connected to the universe – you are the universe, atom for atom, molecules forged in distant suns. the universe, in fact, is playing at being you.

think of it like this: you’re not a noun, you’re a verb. you’re not a static, separate thing, but a flowing process. you’re “selfing,” just as the universe is “universing.” it’s all one big cosmic dance, and you’re not just a dancer – you’re the dance itself.

this idea might seem a bit dizzying at first. after all, we’re used to seeing ourselves as separate individuals, distinct from the world around us. but watts would argue that this view is like looking at the ocean and seeing only the waves, missing the vast, interconnected body of water beneath.

consider your thoughts. where do they come from? can you pinpoint the exact moment a thought begins? or does it arise from a complex web of experiences, memories, and influences that extend far beyond what you consider “you”?

embracing this perspective doesn’t mean losing your uniqueness. just as each wave on the ocean is distinct yet inseparable from the whole, you, too, are a unique expression of the universe. you’re not less than your individual self – you’re infinitely more.

so next time you feel small or isolated, remember: you’re not just a drop in the ocean. you are the entire ocean in a drop. isn’t that a marvelous thought to splash around in?

have you ever watched a cat nap in a sunbeam? that’s embracing the present moment like a pro. alan watts would’ve loved that cat, because it’s mastered something we humans often struggle with: being fully here, now.

think about your day. how much of it do you spend replaying past events or planning for future ones? it’s like trying to drive a car while looking only in the rearview mirror or squinting at the horizon. meanwhile, the present moment – the only moment you can actually live in – slips by unnoticed.

watts talked about an ancient concept known as wu wei, which roughly translates to doing nothing. but don't be fooled – it’s not about becoming a couch potato. it’s more like surfing. you’re not fighting the wave or trying to control it. you’re aligning yourself with its flow, responding to each moment as it comes.

imagine you’re a leaf floating down a stream. you’re not paddling or struggling against the current. you’re simply allowing yourself to be carried. that’s wu wei in action. it’s effortless effort, like a plant growing or a bird soaring on an updraft.

now, you might be thinking, that's all well and good, but i've got stuff to do! fair point. but consider this: have you ever noticed how time seems to fly when you’re fully absorbed in something you enjoy? that’s because you’re not splitting your attention between now and then, here and there. you’re fully present – and, paradoxically, that’s when you’re most effective.

it’s like trying to catch a butterfly– the more you chase it, the more it eludes you. but if you sit still and present, it might just land on your shoulder.

watts would’ve chuckled at our modern obsession with productivity and time management. he’d probably say we’re so busy “doing” that we’ve forgotten how to simply “be.” it’s like we’re constantly preparing for life instead of actually living it.

so how about trying a little wu wei in your day? next time you’re stuck in traffic, instead of fuming about being late, notice the play of sunlight on the cars around you. when you’re washing dishes, feel the warmth of the water on your hands. when you’re walking, feel the ground beneath your feet.

remember, the present moment isn’t just a stepping stone to the next thing. it’s where your life is actually happening. 

ever tried to nail jelly to a wall? that’s a bit like trying to find absolute security in life. alan watts would’ve said that our attempts to make everything certain and fixed were causing us to miss out on the fun of the wobble.

in zen practice, there’s this mind-bending idea: there is no “there” there. sounds a bit crazy, but stick with it for a moment. think about how often you’ve said to yourself, when i get that job…. when i buy that house.... when i find that perfect person.... then i’ll be happy. it’s like we’re always reaching for some imaginary finish line to feel whole. but here’s the kicker: that finish line keeps moving.

now, instead of feeling discouraged, what if you found this liberating? imagine you’re at a carnival, and life is the merry-go-round. you can either spend the whole ride trying to grab the brass ring, or you can enjoy the music, the lights, and the ride itself.

watts might’ve pointed out that we often treat life like a problem to be solved, rather than a mystery to be lived. we try to control everything, pin down every detail. but life, like a river, keeps flowing and changing. the moment you try to grab a handful of water, it slips through your fingers.

think about how a tree grows. it doesn’t have a five-year plan. it doesn’t stress about whether its leaves are green enough. it simply responds to each season as it comes. there’s a profound wisdom in that kind of flexibility.

now, this doesn’t mean you should throw caution to the wind and live recklessly. it’s more about loosening your grip on how you think things “should” be. it’s about dancing with uncertainty rather than trying to wrestle it to the ground.

consider this: have your best memories, your most profound experiences, come from carefully planned moments, or from unexpected twists and turns? often, it’s the surprises that make life rich and interesting.

embracing insecurity doesn’t mean living in constant anxiety. it’s more like surfing. you can’t control the waves, but you can learn to ride them with skill and joy. sometimes you’ll fall, sure. but isn’t that part of the adventure?

so next time you feel that urge to make everything certain and secure, take a breath. remember the wisdom of insecurity. life isn’t a problem to be solved, but a great unfolding mystery. and you get to be part of it – right here, right now.

if you’ve ever tried to catch a soap bubble in your hands without popping it, then you know about holding on to something too tightly. if alan watts had been nearby, he would’ve grinned and told you that the real magic happens when you let go.

this isn’t about giving up your possessions or becoming a hermit, or course. it’s more like loosening your grip on how you think things should be – including your ideas about yourself and even about god.

think about it: how often have you chased after some grand spiritual experience, thinking that’s where you’ll find meaning? it’s like looking for your glasses while wearing them. the divine, watts might say, isn’t some far-off destination. it’s right here, in the steam rising from your coffee cup, in the sound of leaves rustling, in the simple act of breathing.

letting go is about dropping the search and sinking into what’s already here. it’s realizing that you don’t need to become enlightened because, in a funny way, you already are. you’re not separate from the universe – you’re it, doing its thing as you.

this might sound a bit mind-bending. after all, we’re used to thinking of ourselves as solid, unchanging things. but again, what if you’re more like a verb than a noun? you’re not a fixed self, but a flowing process. you’re “you-ing,” just as a river is river-ing or the sky is sky-ing.

zen masters talk about this as “no-self,” but that’s not quite what it seems. it’s not that you don’t exist – it's that you’re so much more than the limited idea you had of yourself. it’s like a wave realizing it’s the whole ocean.

letting go isn’t something you do, either – it’s more like something you stop doing. you stop trying to be somewhere else, someone else. you stop waiting for tomorrow to start living. because, as watts loved to point out, tomorrow never comes. it’s always now.

this doesn’t mean you stop planning or caring. it’s more like you hold your plans lightly – dance with life rather than wrestle with it. you’re still you, with all your quirks and dreams, but you’re no longer trapped by a rigid idea of who you should be.

so next time you find yourself straining to “get it right” or reach some imaginary spiritual finish line, take a breath. feel the air in your lungs. hear the sounds around you. this is it. this is life, doing its thing as you.

let’s return to a metaphor we visited in an earlier chapter, and imagine you’re a leaf floating down a stream. you're not paddling or striving – you’re simply going with the flow. but you’re still moving along. that’s wu wei, the art of effortless action, and it’s at the heart of becoming who you already are.

think about how much of your life you have spent trying to be somebody, always reaching for a future, improved version of yourself. but here’s the playful twist: that future you? that person is already here, right now.

remember the idea of non-being we talked about earlier? it’s not about not existing, but about letting go of rigid ideas about who you are. you’re not a fixed, solid thing. you’re more verb than noun, and so this becoming what you are isn’t about achieving or creating something new. it’s more like peeling away layers to reveal what’s always been there. like clearing away clouds to see a sky that was never hidden.

picture a dog chasing its tail. round and round it goes, never quite catching what it’s after. what if the dog suddenly realized, wait a minute – this tail is already part of me! that’s the kind of “aha” moment watts wanted us to have about ourselves and the universe.

but here’s the tricky part: you can’t force this realization. it’s not something you achieve through effort. it’s more like relaxing into what’s already true. it’s wu wei in action – non-doing, allowing, being. you can chase it like a butterfly with your net forever, but if you stop, quiet yourself, and find stillness, it lands on you.

so how do you become what you already are? well, you don’t. that’s the beautiful joke of it all. you’re already it. your job is simply to notice – to wake up to the reality that’s already here.

next time you find yourself striving to be better or different, take a breath. feel the aliveness that’s already pulsing through you. listen to the sounds around you. taste the air. this is it. this is life, living as you.

and isn’t that a marvelous thing? you don’t need to become anything. you’re already the universe, doing its cosmic dance as you. so why not enjoy the performance? after all, as watts might say with a wink, you’ve been practicing for it your whole life.

the main takeaway of this chapter to become what you are by alan watts is that we are not separate from the universe. but an integral part of it, like waves in an ocean. true living happens in the present moment, embracing wu wei, or the art of effortless action. paradoxically, embracing insecurity and uncertainty can lead to more fulfilling life experiences, and letting go of rigid ideas about ourselves and the world allows us to experience life more fully. ultimately, we don’t need to become anything because we already are what we’re seeking to be – our job is simply to recognize and embrace this reality.

okay, that’s it for this chapter. we hope you enjoyed it. if you can, please take the time to leave us a rating – we always appreciate your feedback. see you in the next chapter.